


The Commander

by K17L53



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, F/F, G!P, G!p Lexa, Modern AU, Secret Identity, Superhero!Lexa, Trans Character, Trans Lexa, but y'know, not a fan of the g!p tag much rather stick with just trans Lexa, super strength, superhero au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2018-11-09 16:53:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 32,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11108793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K17L53/pseuds/K17L53
Summary: Lexa is a Daredevil-esque "superhero" with super strength who likes to keep her city's streets clean. Clarke is her paramedic girlfriend who isn't the biggest fan of the Commander but can see all the good she's doing.orThe clexa superhero AU that came out of nowhere where no one knows Lexa has superpowers.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> i saw a lot of posts floating on my dash tonight and i was in a writing mood so i thought, yeah, why not. and i say daredevil-esque because of the vigilante thing, she's not blind.
> 
> oh and, disclaimer i guess. because i don't read fanfic anymore, i literally don't remember the last one i read. so if this resembles anything that's already out there, it's a coincidence coz i know there are quite a few superhero au's but i've read exactly 0 of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where this came from but i was just??? in a writing mood??? and i didn't want to work on any of my existing fics tonight??? so yeah. idk about it really. i wrote it tonight, like i just finished writing it and it's past 5am. i thought it would be shorter than this but this is a reasonably sized chapter. i'm mostly just trying this out to see if anyone wants to read this, then i might continue.

Lexa sat in her car behind the wheel, her shirt pulled up between her teeth as she tried to clean up the small gash on her side before returning to their apartment. She was mostly prepared going in tonight; there was word of a pretty big shipment of drugs coming in and it panned out to be true, there wasn’t supposed to be too many people there guarding it, only a handful and as far as she had known, no one was to heavily armed – maybe a handgun here and there. It was a successful bust really, but she wasn’t prepared _completely_ ; sure there were only like a handful of people guarding the shipment but they were armed a lot heavier than Lexa had anticipated.

 

Super strength was fun, it was useful in most cases and if the people she came across tonight weren’t as heavily armed, it would’ve been a lot smoother. But sometimes Lexa forgets her own boundaries and overestimates myself; she couldn’t take out 5 guys double her size with sub-machine guns, she should’ve known that…she did actually. But did that stop her? Hell no. Maybe it would’ve helped if she reminded herself that although she had super strength, she did not have magical healing powers or impenetrable skin.

 

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” She whispered to herself, wiping an alcohol wipe over the wound on her side. “It’s not that deep.” Lexa sighed, gritting her teeth as the alcohol sent pain shooting through the jagged cut. She hadn’t noticed the last guy coming from behind her, Lexa thought he was knocked out for good as she had started dragging the second last unconscious body out of the warehouse. He had tackled her from the behind and in the process of her trying to render him unconscious again, Lexa got a cut on her side with an old box cutter. Then it was an elbow to the back of his head that Lexa hoped didn’t break anything before he was knocked out cold and she proceeded to get all of the men outside. And within the next few minutes, a warehouse full of crack that would’ve been out on the streets in a matter of days was going down in flames.

 

But tonight was date night, well, Clarke had a late shift so they were staying in, but it was still date night. It was Netflix and takeout and then going to bed together. They haven’t seen each other since they both left for work this morning and Lexa has been looking forward to this all day, and as far as Clarke knew, Lexa was also working late tonight. It took a few minutes to patch herself up, hoping it wouldn’t bleed through the bandage that was covering the wound and that it wouldn’t get infected – it wasn’t a particularly clean blade.

 

“Did you hear about this?” Clarke asked as she heard the front door open.

 

“Hi babe, I missed you too.” Lexa said sarcastically with a smile as she set down the white plastic bag of takeout on the kitchen counter.

 

Clarke only rolled her eyes, walking up to her from the living room and kissing her softly, “I missed you too.” She told her. “But we saw each other this morning.”

 

“Exactly.” Lexa agreed. “Over 12 hours ago, I missed you.” She gave her a smile, looking at at the bag she just set down before starting to pull out the takeout boxes. “And what were you asking about?” She finally asked.

 

“This warehouse burned down.” Clarke told her, receiving a nod. “One of our _many_ local gangs was using it as a storage unit but it went up in flames tonight.”

 

“When did that happen?” Lexa asked innocently, pretending to not know anything about it as she stepped inside the kitchen to grab herself a glass of water.

 

“Not too long ago.” Clarke replied, opening the boxes as she looked into what Lexa brought. “I just saw it on the news, half an hour ago I think.”

 

“Anyone hurt?” Lexa asked casually, both of them grabbing a couple of boxes before making their way to the couch in front of the TV.

 

“Nope,” Clarke sat down, pulling her legs up as Lexa followed, but being careful to sit down more slowly, so she didn’t hurt herself or stretch the cut even more. “There were like five people I think, but when the fire department got to the scene, they were all safely outside.” Clarke let out a small, amused laugh, “Our masked vigilante _superhero_ ,” She continued, putting air quotes around the _superhero_ , “Took the time to knock them out and pull them out to safety before setting their drugs on fire.”

 

“Well, I’m guessing she didn’t want to hurt anyone.” Lexa responded, turning on _Master of None_ on Netflix before finally digging into her food with a plastic fork.

 

“Wouldn’t it be easier to just call the cops on them if she knew what was going on down there?” Clarke asked instead.

 

“Well I can’t speak for anyone,” Lexa started, “But we both know what our law enforcement officers are like…”

 

“That’s true.” Clarke agreed. “But still, taking like five men that were probably twice her size and armed to the teeth…that was a pretty stupid move.”

 

“You’re forgetting she has super strength.” Lexa pointed out.

 

This was a normal thing for them, well, they talked about this masked superhero as much as any other household in the neighborhood. But maybe it was a little different between them; because for one, Lexa _was_ the mysterious masked superhero, and Clarke was a paramedic, who was usually first on the scene after the _Commander_ left. Clarke wasn’t her biggest fan; sure she could see all the goods this _masked idiot_ was doing, but that didn’t excuse how stupid she was. It was usually big things like this, things that had to with the local gangs who were trying to get more drugs on the streets. Last week, for example, the Commander stopped a delivery truck singlehandedly – like literally stopped it with her bare hands as it was getting into the city. The driver was hurt, and so were the three men assigned to make sure the cargo was delivered safely; but that was a small price to pay really, everything coming in would’ve ended up on the streets later, to young impressionable teenagers. So yes, in a way, Clarke did like what she was doing, but at the same time, she found _how_ she was doing it incredibly stupid.

 

“Yeah but I don’t think she has bulletproof skin like _Supergirl_ or _Luke Cage_.” Clarke answered. “She could’ve gotten herself killed multiple times.” She added. “It’s just very stupidly dangerous.”

 

“But she’s doing a lot of good.” Lexa reminded. “Like that man yesterday, remember?” She asked, “He was hurting his girlfriend’s daughter for who knows how long and no one was doing anything about it until the Commander came along.”

 

“Yes,” Clarke nodded. “My team was first on the scene.” She added. “He was in such bad shape.” This time she smiled. “It was amazing.” Lexa nudged her shoulder lightly, giving her a look as Clarke let out a small laugh, “Well, he did deserved it.” Clarke agreed. “But that masked idiot is going to get herself killed sooner or later.”

 

.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Clarke asked later that night when they were getting ready for bed. She could see in the way Lexa was moving, she was trying to not reach to far and every time she sat down, Clarke could see she was being _careful_.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, looking at her phone as she walked out of the bathroom wearing only t-shirt and a pair of underwear. “I’m fine, why?”

 

“I don’t know…” Clarke replied, sitting down on the bed, waiting for Lexa to join her. “You just seem like you got hurt.” She pointed out. “You’re moving really carefully and every time you sit down,” She watched Lexa get into bed, “Case in point,” Clarke rolled her eyes, Lexa sat down slowly, her movements careful as she did her best to not stretch her sides.

 

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Lexa brushed it off. “I got hurt at the gym, sparring session gone a bit too far.” She shrugged like it was no big deal. Lexa ran a boxing gym which was good for two reasons; 1) she could use that as a way to explain bruises and minor injuries she acquired _on the job_ , and 2) she could spend her free time + work time making sure she was staying in shape, something that was very important to her. And since she was running the place, her work hours were flexible and gave her the freedom to run off as the _masked idiot_ as Clarke liked to call it. The neighborhood’s kids spent a lot of time there too and that was another important factor to Lexa. It wasn’t the greatest neighborhood, not really and the kids being anywhere off the streets was good.

 

“How did that happen?” Clarke asked, the two of them lying down before Lexa turned the small light on the nightstand off.

 

“We got carried away.” Lexa answered. “Aden can almost kick my ass now and I don’t know if I’m proud or disappointed.”

 

Clarke laughed at that, Aden was probably the scrawniest kid she’s seen there with Lexa – but he’s also the person she sees the most often. “Bit of both.” Clarke kissed Lexa’s cheek, settling onto her side. “Why did you have to stay so late tonight?” She finally asked, Lexa mentioned something about a delivery coming in but Clarke didn’t catch all of it.

 

“I was waiting on a delivery to come in.” She answered. “New weight plates.” Lexa added. “Those ancient ones needed to be replaced already.” That was true, the power racks at the gym right now were secondhand ones because when starting out, Lexa couldn’t really afford to get everything new. So yes, she did get new plates delivered earlier tonight but it was about an after closing. “How was work?” Lexa asked. “Anything eventful?”

 

“Not really.” Clarke answered. “It was a quiet day mostly, a couple of calls here and there but nothing interesting.” She told her.

 

“So I’m guessing the Commander didn’t go off breaking anyone’s legs today?” Lexa asked, unable to hide the small smile that broke out on her face.

 

“Nope,” Clarke shook her head. “Probably too busy planning tonight’s…operation, mission, whatever.”

 

Lexa hummed in response, agreeing as her arm went around Clarke, the two of them settling against each other, knowing they were both going to drift of to sleep pretty soon. “Probably.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways, thanks for reading. let me know if it was any good and if you'd like me to continue.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter starts with the Commander on one of her missions. And then the rest of the chapter is Clexa being cute because we have domestic Clexa AND a cute date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE COMMENTS. honestly i didn't think i'd actually be writing this anymore but awesome i get to work on it. so i'm working on the sotry and this is as much as i've figure out by now, so here's a cute fluffy chapter. there's domestic morning clexa with lexa making them pancakes. and then there's a cute little date where its all soft and cute. 
> 
> also i'm starting to plan it out. and i'm thinking about clexa. and lexa. and clarke. and all the stuff you need to know when writing a story. i'm setting up their backstories, i have kind of an idea for lexa, don't know much about clarke yet. so yeah, i'm gonna shut up now and let you read the actual chapter

“Shh,” Lexa brought her index finger up to her lips, telling the little boy in his bed to not make a sound. It must be alarming though, a stranger dressed in all black with a mask covering half their face climbing in through the bedroom’s window this late at night – might as well be the boogey man. She slowly stepped further inside, hiding in the shadows as she stepped closer to the bed, “I’m not going to hurt you.” Lexa whispered quietly, kneeling down next to him, doing her best to put the little boy at ease. “I’m here for your dad.” She told him. “Don’t tell him I’m here, okay?” Lexa asked quietly, standing up before quietly moving to wait next to bedroom’s door. She had been scoping out this place for a couple of nights after hearing some rumors floating around. Unfortunately they panned out to be true, so here she was, waiting to make sure this pathetic excuse of a father never got to hurt his son ever again.

 

It was no more than about a minute before she heard the doorknob turning. Lexa sucked in a deep breath as she prepared herself, noticing how the little boy stiffened; this was going to be pretty easy. “Hey buddy,” Lexa heard a man’s voice as the door open, “Wanna play a game?”

 

Lexa gritted her teeth, her stomach turning at how familiar those words sounded. “I really don’t think he does.” She answered instead, stepping up behind him once he was inside the room with the door closed. “But there is something I’d like to play.” Lexa added, enjoying the horrified look on his face more than she should be. “Answer me this: what are you going to miss more; your arms, or your legs?” She asked with a smirk, speaking again without waiting for an answer. “Come on let’s take a walk. And depending on your choice, you might even be able to walk back.”

 

She was back home in about an hour, stepping inside quietly, now dressed down only in her trousers and the black t-shirt she was wearing underneath the jacket – she had left all her little superhero toys in the trunk of her car before coming back up, including the mask. Lexa tiptoed through the living room, careful not to make a noise, and towards their bedroom, not wanting to wake up Clarke because that would only raise questions – and she’d had a long, busy day, she didn’t need to be woken up. The bedroom door was slightly open, Lexa had left it so when she had left earlier that night. Slowly pushing it open, Lexa stepped inside and stopped, watching Clarke with a small smile on her face. It still felt unreal, returning home to the love of her life every night; she didn’t think she’d ever get to this point in her life. Finally shedding the rest of her clothes on the floor, Lexa picked up the t-shirt she was wearing before she’d left and pulled it on before slipping into bed.

 

Clarke stirred in her sleep as Lexa settled back into bed next to her. “Where were you?” She muttered sleepily, not opening her eyes as she pressed herself closer to Lexa.

 

“Kitchen.” Lexa answered quietly, hoping Clarke was mostly asleep right now. “Went to grab a snack.”

 

Clarke hummed, telling Lexa that she _was_ , in fact, practically asleep. “You’re cold.” She spoke again as she pressed her nose into the crook of her neck, her voice too heavy with sleep that Lexa barely caught what she just said.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, baby.” Clarke said as she stepped out of the bedroom the next morning, noticing Lexa in the kitchen. The sight in front of her took her breath away, it always did really because Lexa seemed to have a way of doing that to her; she was standing over the stove with her back to Clarke, dressed in a soft blue t-shirt that had shrunk in the dryer by now, causing a little bit of her lower back to peak out, and a pair of _Wonder Woman_ boxer shorts. Finally stepping closer, Clarke realized she was making pancakes because that’s what the apartment smelled like right now. “Morning.”

 

Lexa smiled, not turning to face her as she looked down at the frying pan on the stove in front of her. “Good morning.” She finally replied as Clarke stepped up behind her, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s waist. “Blue berry pancakes sound good?”

 

“It sounds great.” Clarke replied, resting her chin on Lexa’s shoulder so she could look over her. “You must be in a good mood.” She commented, “That’s the only time I get pancakes out of you without asking.”

 

“Well…” Lexa started, turning around in Clarke’s arms to face her. “Maybe I am.” She smiled at her, leaning her face closer to Clarke’s to press a soft kiss to her lips. “Are you working late tonight?” Lexa asked out of the blue as she looked her.

 

Clarke thought for a moment, removing her arms from around Lexa to step away and grab a couple of glasses and the orange juice as Lexa returned to the pan to flip the pancake. “Not really, I should be done by eight.”

 

“That’s good.” Lexa nodded, removing the last pancake and placing it on one of the two plates on the counter next to her.

 

“Why…?” Clarke asked a little suspiciously as Lexa set down a plate of stack of pancakes in front of Clarke and another one on the opposite side of the breakfast bar.

 

“Well…you’ve been working late pretty much every night all of last week and I’ve been busy with work,” Lexa answered of as she stepped away to get the maple syrup. “And it’s been a while since we went out together…” She trailed off as she came back, sitting down as she looked at Clarke with a half shrug.

 

Clarke nodded, that was true and it had been a while since they got some time to themselves; even last date night was a night in with takeout and Netflix that led to them eventually falling asleep on the couch and waking up feeling sore. Her shifts this week were a little chaotic and she’s had to work long hours, usually later on in the night – sometime in addition to earlier in the day – so her and Lexa didn’t get much time together. “I know,” She agreed. “But we should be good for tonight.” Clarke gave her a reassuring smile. “Got anything in mind?”

 

Lexa shrugged, taking a bite out of her pancake, “I was thinking we drive up to our spot, the sky’s supposed to be clear tonight.” She told Clarke; there was a spot a little outside the city that they used to go up to even when they were in high school. It was a big open expanse of land, grass, a few trees, and mostly just quiet and out of the way. “A blanket, a bottle of wine, cheeseburgers from _Grounders_?” She asked with a small smile.

 

“That sounds great.” Clarke replied. “Remember when we were in high school and used to sneak out at night to drive up there?”

 

Lexa nodded at the memory. “Late nights and cheap alcohol, just the two of us under the stars…it feels forever ago.”

 

It was light conversation from there, the two of them just talking about what they were going to do today; it was the same as most days, Lexa was spending most of her day at the gym, and Clarke only hoped wherever she was called into today wouldn’t be too bad. Her job was draining, especially in this neighborhood; gunshots and stabbings and just…ugliness in general, it was all pretty common and it was all very bad. So Clarke knew what to prepare herself for before setting out everyday.

 

.

 

“Okay,” Lexa said into her phone, picking up her gym bag from under the desk in her office. “I’m heading into the shower now, I’ll see you in an hour.”

 

Clarke was getting out of work in about an hour, and she was stopping at the gym to pick up Lexa before they headed out. Lexa had a long day at work, she was tired right now; a couple of group training sessions with the younger kids, and then a couple of one-on-ones with her grown-up gym members. She had left for about an hour in the afternoon to run a small _errand_ that included a small time drug dealer who was selling to teenagers. But other than that, she was here at the gym, and now Clarke was coming to pick her up before they went out for the night. Yes, she was tired right now, exhausted really but Lexa had been looking forward to this all day.

 

It wasn’t long before Lexa was stepping outside with her bag, locking up as Clarke pulled up to the curb next to her. She unzipped her bag and dropped the keys in before making her way to the car. “Hey.” Lexa said as she opened the door and smiled at Clarke before sitting down.

 

The drive was quite a long one, almost an hour of listening to music and talking a little about their days, trying to tune out the rest of the world. They needed this little break – even if it was just for a few hours – it had been a busy couple of weeks where Lexa was tied up at the gym (plus working on her little _side job_ ), and Clarke was also busy, more than usual really and just drained out from everything. She was looking forward to some time away from pretty much everyone and everything, especially the city, and to just spend some time with Lexa.

 

It was a little over an hour before they were lying on the grass, on a blanket, looking up at the sky. Lexa had a hand behind her head, the other hand holding Clarke’s who seemed to have her eyes closed right now. Lexa turned her head to the side, not saying anything as she watched Clarke; she looked peaceful, just relaxed and content right now. She couldn’t look away, Lexa still couldn’t believe this was her life, and this was the face she got to see every morning after waking up, and every night before going to sleep. “Hi,” Lexa almost whispered, a small smile creeping up on her once Clarke opened her eyes.

 

“Hey,” Clarke smiled back, “You know the sky’s up there, right?” She nodded towards the sky, asking sarcastically after a moment.

 

“Yes,” Lexa nodded. “But the stars are right here.” She turned on her side, eyes not leaving Clarke’s as she brought up the hand from behind her head to move a strand from blonde hair that was falling over Clarke’s eyes. “There are galaxies in your eyes Clarke.” The smile didn’t seem to want to go away as she brought herself closer slightly, gently pressing her lips against Clarke’s. “They’re so beautiful.” She smiled against Clarke’s lips, speaking quietly. “The sky really doesn’t compare.”

 

Clarke smiled back, kissing her softly before pulling away. “You’re so fucking gay.” She shook her head, eyes closed as she touched her nose against Lexa’s. “I love you.” Clarke told her, moving away slightly. “And I’ve missed this.” She added. “It’s been so long since we got to spend some time alone.”

 

“Yeah.” Lexa nodded, moving to sit up before reaching for the bottle of wine on the grass and the almost empty glass. “We have been busy the last…” She trailed off, pouring herself some wine and taking a sip before leaning back, propped on one elbow. “Month-ish…?”

 

Clarke nodded with a sigh, “Yeah work is…chaotic.” She rolled her eyes, sitting up straight next to Lexa, “Honestly the Commander is just making my days longer…but I can’t really be angry her for it.”

 

Lexa let out a small laugh, “Caught any of her _victims_ today?” She quirked an eyebrow, knowing very well someone would find a middle aged, 5’10, white man on the pavement in front of his house with a really badly broken leg and probably a fractured skull.

 

“A busted leg.” Clarke shrugged. “And a depressed skull fracture.” She let out a sigh, “I would feel sorry for the guy but…nope.”

 

“Why? What did he do?” Lexa asked knowingly, beginning to stand up to get the food which was still in the car.

 

“Hurt his kid.” Clarke replied quietly, “A five year old boy.” She added, “I don’t know how and I don’t think I want to, to be honest.”

 

Lexa nodded, opening the back door and grabbing the big brown paper bag; she knew exactly how. Walking back to Clarke, she sat down, crossing her legs as she set the bag down and brought out the food. She watched her for moment, something looked a little off with her today, Clarke almost seemed upset. “Hey, are you okay?” Lexa asked gently, handing her the cheeseburger.

 

Clarke nodded absentmindedly, taking it from her. “It’s just work.” She sighed, unwrapping the sandwiching before taking a bite. “Everything is just bad right now, our neighborhood is a mess.” Clarke rubbed her eyes before continuing. “And I’m just drained out.”

 

Lexa brought her free hand up, placing it on Clarke’s back. “You’re off for the weekend right?” She asked. “I won’t go in the gym, and we can just stay home and unwind.”

 

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Clarke forced out a small smile, work was really getting to her; if anything, things just seemed to be getting worse and everyday she found herself asking how much of humanity was even left. “We haven’t been doing that a lot.” She told her, Lexa reaching forward and pulling out a french fry from the bag. “We’re both too busy and then we’re too tired.” Lexa nodded, holding the fry in front of Clarke for her to take it. “I miss you.”

 

“I know I haven’t been around much the last few days.” Lexa sighed, moving a little again to get out a few packets of ketchup from the bag before squeezing them out onto a napkin. “The gym is getting busier and I’m really short staffed so my day’s are longer.” That was true, there was too much to do right now and there was just her and a young boy who worked there; that paired with Lexa’s late night activities had her completely drained out and tired by the time she got home. “Take the next week off.” She told Clarke suddenly. “We’ll go somewhere, just the two of us.” Lexa added. “Take a break from everything, get out the city.”

 

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded, picking up her glass and taking a sip. “Yeah that sounds good.”

 

They fell silent after that, just enjoying the silence and each other’s presence. It was calming to finally be out of the city, Lexa occasionally picking up a French fry and dipping it in ketchup only for Clarke because as much as she loved the burgers, Lexa wasn’t a fan of the fries. Every time things got too much – like now because of work – they would find a time to come up here just to get away from it all. It had been the same when they were in high school; before a big test, Clarke would be insanely stressed out, and Lexa would drive up to her house and wait for Clarke to sneak out because chances are it was well past midnight. And every time Lexa was having a bad time at school because someone was being an asshole to her; Clarke would do the same, go up to her place and quietly wait before Lexa came down and they could drive up here.

 

“How was your day babe?” Clarke asked after a while, picking at the last bite of one of the two slices of pie in a paper box between the two of them. “Anything interesting happen at the gym today?”

 

“Well I don’t know if it’s interesting but it was definitely painful…” Lexa took her last bite, setting the fork down. “I spent about half an hour in my office with an icepack on my dick.”

 

“Oh god, what happened?” She watched at her with an amused look in her eyes, stabbing the last piece of pie crust with her fork and putting it in her mouth.

 

“A little girl.” Lexa started hesitantly, “She was there for a little while with her older sister before their mom came to pick her up…” she trailed off. “And she was looking around so I asked if she wanted me to show her how to actually throw a punch.”

 

“And?” Clarke quirked an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue.

 

“And…” Lexa started. “She accidentally elbowed me in the balls.”

 

“Oh, you poor baby.” Clarke said in a soft voice, her hand going up to rest on Lexa’s leg. “Still sore?” Her hand moved up, fingers toying at the waist of Lexa’s jeans, now having an excuse to do what she’s been wanting to since they got here.

 

“A little.” Lexa shrugged. “But maybe you can…” She trailed off suggestively, picking up on where Clarke was headed.

 

“Yeah…” Clarke nodded innocently, “Soft hands right?”

 

Lexa hummed in agreement as she felt Clarke’s fingers undoing her belt and then the fly. “There’s no one around right?” She asked distractedly, hands going behind her back to brace herself and keep herself upright.

 

“Don’t worry, it’s late. It’s just us here.” Clarke replied, her hand slipping down the waistband of her underwear as she caught Lexa smile at her. “Just relax.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic came out of nowhere and i didn't expect it at all but so far it's been fun to write and i'm enjoying it. the fluff was fun to write and it's always nice seeing these two be happy. 
> 
> OH RIGHT so lexa's trans, i've been meaning to write a fic with her as trans and this seemed to be a good one for it coz it seems like i'm actually writing this. so yeah i hope you guys liked this chapter and let me know what you thought.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's not as sneaky as she thinks she is and Clarke is worried. The Commander also runs into a little trouble...well more like an unwanted encounter. And the chapter ends on a cute note with Clexa goodness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, i'm still working out with the story but i'm figuring it out and it's looking good i think. clarke's a little suspicious because lexa's not really as sneaky as she thinks she is. the ending's cute, i loved writing that. clexa's cute and in love. i might go a little into their backstory, not much but maybe coz they're cute.

“Where were you?” Clarke asked as the front door opened and Lexa stepped inside the apartment.

 

The voice surprised her, almost startling Lexa as she walked up to the living room with a confused look on her face watching Clarke. “Clarke?” She finally asked, standing across from the blonde who was sitting on the couch with a blanket around her. “What are you doing up this late?”

 

“Doesn’t matter.” She shook her head, brushing off Lexa’s question. “It’s 4am, where the fuck have you been?”

 

This wasn’t the first time this happened, Lexa had come home after work today and she was here when they both went to bed. But when Clarke had woken up about two hours later to go to the bathroom, Lexa’s side of the bed was empty. So she’d stepped out of the room, maybe Lexa was in the kitchen or in front of the TV – that was normal, her sleep was kind of a mess and she’d spent a good part of the night out of the bed at least a couple of days in the week. But when Clarke noticed she wasn’t anywhere in the apartment at all, she decided to stay up and wait for her to get home. She wouldn’t have bothered if this was the first time because maybe she just went out to get some air, but this was probably the forth time in only this month.

 

“I couldn’t sleep.” Lexa tried, “I went out to get some air.” Not entirely true because she just spent the last couple of hours with a dirty cop on the rooftop of her apartment building, _that was fun_.

 

“Really?” Clarke asked skeptically, “I’ve been sitting here for two hours.”

 

“I just stepped out for a bit,” Lexa shrugged, wanting to step away and just go to bed. “I couldn’t sleep, you know how it is.”

 

“Yeah I do, but” Clarke stopped her, “1) You don’t go out other than just to the balcony at night, and 2) for two hours? Really?” She asked rhetorically. “Where the hell where you?”

 

“Nowhere.” Lexa said defensively, her voice going up an octave as she stepped away towards the bedroom.

 

Clarke stood up, stepping up next to her and gently grabbing her arm, “Lexa,” She sighed, not wanting her to walk away from her. “This isn’t the first time I’ve noticed this.” She told her. “This is like the forth time this month.”

 

“What? I need to sign out or something before leaving the apartment now?” Lexa asked, a little annoyed and just wanting to go to bed.

 

“Well, you’re my girlfriend and I get a little worried when I wake up to an empty apartment.” Clarke answered, letting go of Lexa’s arm; from what she saw everyday, Clarke wouldn’t really advise anyone on going out after dark given how bad it could get around here, let alone this late at night. “I wouldn’t really want anyone going out for a walk at this time.”

 

Lexa sighed, the annoyance draining out of her as she let her shoulders drop, “I just went out for a drive, I needed to clear my head and I didn’t want to wake you.” She explained.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Clarke asked as they walked up to the bedroom, and Lexa only nodded. “Fine, let’s just go to bed.” She finally let it go, leading her to the bed as Lexa stood on her side, stripping out of her clothes and climbing into beds in just the t-shirt and underwear.

 

“Sorry I worried you.” Lexa muttered as she settled in bed next to Clarke, pressing her face to Clarke’s side and placing a small kiss to her temple.

 

Clarke only gave her a reassuring smile, closing her eyes as she took in a deep breath. But she furrowed her eyebrows slightly, Lexa smelled weird; well different, this is not what her usual perfume smelled like, or even her deodorant. “Why do you smell like that?” She asked randomly after a moment. Lexa only gave her a confused ‘ _hmm?_ ’ in response. “You smell like some flowery lotion,” Clarke replied. “Not your usual vanilla.”

 

That was probably from when she was holding the detective over the ledge of her rooftop, threatening to drop her. Or maybe it was from when Lexa was trying to still subdue her; she didn’t have much good to say about the detective, but she was definitely well trained, some of the punches that landed on her side were probably going to leave Lexa with bruises by the next morning. “That’s weird.” Lexa pretended to be surprised, as if she had no idea what Clarke was talking about. “You sure?” She pulled up her shirt slightly, up to her nose before letting it go. “I don’t smell anything.” She did.

 

* * *

 

“Hey Commander!” Lexa heard a breathless voice call out from a few feet away.

 

She could hear the police cars approaching when she had taken off, and right now Lexa was making her way down a quiet, dark ally, trying to get away before someone spotted her. But apparently, someone had. Lexa thought about it for a moment, thinking whether to make a run for it or stop. She was almost tempted to just run, but she didn’t; not bothering to turn around. “Who’s asking?” Lexa asked in response, her voice loud and clear, trying not to show how worried she was.

 

“Detective Jones.” The woman called out, “NYPD.”

 

Lexa swore under her breath, shaking her head at herself for not trying to make a run for it sooner. “How can I help you, detective?” She brought her arms up, holding it up to show she didn’t have a weapon on her as she turned around.

 

Detective Jones had her gun up, pointing at Lexa before relaxing and lowering it slightly. “Well, I was thinking we could help each other out.” She answered.

 

Lexa gave her a confused look about to step up closer only for Jones’ gun to come up again, stopping her. “I’m not carrying.” She told her. “I never do.” She shrugged but the detective didn’t budge. “And I work alone,” Lexa added. “I don’t think there’s much you can do to help me detective.”

 

“Well, I’ll start by admitting I’m a fan of your work.” She gave her a small nod, taking a step closer to Lexa. “And I’m not really a fan of how things are done in my department. So…” The detective finally holstered her weapon. “I was thinking about a little partnership.”

 

“No way,” Lexa shook her head, finally bringing her arms down. “Like I said, I work alone. You don’t have anything I want.”

 

“For starters, I have a lot of intel on people you might be interested in.” Jones started. “People who will otherwise get away with some serious crimes.”

 

Lexa shrugged. “I can find them on my own, I’ve been doing good so far.”

 

“This isn’t really a request Commander.” She responded, her voice a bit more authoritative this time. “You agree to work with me or I take you in.”

 

Lexa scoffed, “For what?”

 

“Breaking and entering, assault. Several counts of each, really.” The detective answered. “You hurt bad guys, but it’s still a crime.” She heard Lexa sigh, shaking her head. “So what’s it going to be?” Jones asked, pulling out the handcuffs. “It’s your choice.”

 

“Not much of a choice here.” Lexa rolled her eyes. “I don’t really want to go to prison…” She nodded reluctantly. “I’ll have it your way.”

 

“Good,” Jones nodded, putting the handcuffs away. “There’s word on a new shipment coming in,” She stepped closer to Lexa, getting right to it. “Here,” She handed her a small post-it note with what looked like an address. “Meet me at my place tomorrow after midnight, I’ll give you the information.”

 

Lexa took the yellow note, scanning it quickly with her eyes before looking back up. “So just like that?” She asked with a shrug. “You’re going to trust me in your home?” This time she gave her a smirk. “After seeing what I do to people?”

 

“Eh, those people deserved it.” She shrugged. “And I _don’t_ trust you,” She corrected her. “But there’s not much you can do to me.” Jones sounded smug, shaking her head at Lexa slightly. “I was Special Forces Commander, you’re not the only one who knows how to throw a punch.”

 

“Impressive. But you know I have super strength right?” Lexa gave her a small nod. “So what do I call you detective?” She asked, wanting to leave because she needed to get back to the apartment before Clarke got home. “Jones, or do you have a first name?”

 

“Do you have an _actual_ name?” The detective quipped, not missing a beat.

 

“Touché,” Lexa sighed. “I’ll stick to detective then.” She settled. “If that’s all for now, I have to get going, it’s late.”

 

.

 

Lexa was home in about half an hour, making a small stop to grab some groceries from their local store to cook dinner. By the time she had the chicken in the oven, and the pasta cooked and ready on the stovetop, she heard a knock on the door. It was Clarke, the three distinct knocks belonged to her and no one else, Lexa knew that; she always knocked before actually pulling out her own keys and unlocking the door. “Hey,” Lexa called out as the door finally opened, Clarke stepping inside before kicking her shoes off.

 

“Hi,” Clarke smiled at her, dropping her bag on the floor before making her way up to her. “Making dinner?”

 

Lexa nodded as Clarke stepped up next to her, “There’s chicken in the oven.” She answered. “And pasta on the side.” She turned around to look at Clarke, “Did you bring dessert?”

 

Clarke nodded. “ _Ben and Jerry’s_.” She answered. “Thought we’d get something different this time, so I got _Peanut Butter Cup_ instead of _Cookie Dough_.”

 

“Sounds good.” Lexa leaned in closer to her, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. “Go get changed, dinner’s almost ready.”

 

It had been a few hours now, they had gotten some _extra time_ in bed tonight because they’d both had a pretty early night in. And right now, they were both lying tangled in each other under the covers. Lexa was still awake, happy that she didn’t have to be anywhere tonight, and Clarke had fallen asleep only a few minutes ago, her head resting on Lexa’s chest with Lexa’s arm around her shoulder. It had been a good day, she had a good day at the gym and when she _went out_ after, it was a successful bust – well she wasn’t a cop so it wasn’t technically a _bust_ , but still. But none of that compared to what she felt now, what she felt when she was next to Clarke at night with her peacefully asleep in her arms. Lexa felt content with her life, everything in the world seemed to be right in this moment, like there was nothing that could ever be wrong.

 

“I love you so much, Clarke.” Lexa whispered quietly, her cheek leaning against the top of Clarke’s head. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” A soft smile broke out on her face, closing her eyes finally as she tried to sleep. This never got old, even after all these years together, falling asleep next to her was still the greatest feeling in the world.

 

“You didn’t have to do anything,” Clarke muttered, her eyes still closed, telling Lexa she was still awake. “You were just you and I was a goner from the moment I laid my eyes on you.” She let out a small laugh, voice heavy with sleepy. “How did I get so lucky to end up with you, huh?” She asked rhetorically, smiling against Lexa’s skin.

 

“I thought you were asleep.” Lexa told her quietly, only to receive a small no, before Clarke brought her head up. “Did you think this is where we’d end up?” Lexa asked after a moment. “When we met? Or even when we started dating?”

 

“No,” Clarke shook her head, answering honestly. “Not when we just started dating either, no.” She told her, looking at her expectedly, wanting her to answer her own question.

 

“I didn’t at first.” Lexa told her the same thing, “But after a little while, I knew I could never let you go.” She smiled at her. “And I still don’t how I managed to do that.”

 

“Yeah, 16 year old us did not see this one coming.” Clarke kissed her jaw with a smile.

 

“Does it still feel the same?” Lexa asked after a moment. “Every morning waking up to the same face, does it feel as good as it did the first time that happened?”

 

Clarke shook her head lightly, noticing the suddenly worried look that came up on Lexa’s face. “It feels better.” She answered. “I didn’t know you the way I do now, you were just someone I was dating for…a month.” She explained. “It’s more special now, I know how amazing you are. And waking up to this amazing woman everyday, it tells me I did something right to keep her here all this time.” She could see Lexa smiling at her even in the dark. “Are you blushing?” Clarke asked knowingly.

 

“No,” That was a lie; Clarke had a way of doing that faster than Lexa thought it was possible.

 

“I know when you’re lying.” Clarke pointed out. “Cons of dating the same person for about a decade.” She made small circles on Lexa’s stomach with her finger under the comforter. “They know you like the back of their hand.”

 

“But I mean…” Lexa reached down, taking Clarke’s hand and moving it off her as she turned on her side, “That’s also a pro,” Instead her hand went on Clarke, fingers making gentle patterns on the soft skin as she trailed down. “Right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awwww they're so cute. i love them so much. anyways, that was this chapter. thanks for reading and let me what you thought :))


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn a little about detective Jones to start this chapter. Then it's all cute domestic Clexa having a quiet day in + a little bit of backstory on them. And the chapter's wrapped up by a not-so-innocent handsy Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Lexa and the detective are doing pretty well so i started the chapter off with a little bit of them. but this chapter is almost all clexa because they're having a cute and quiet day in. it's cute and soft and domestic and they're awesome. i wrote in a bit of their backstory because i think there's a lot to that, especially for lexa, and it was fun. i would've updated last night but i hadn't finished the chapter and ended up writing like half of it yesterday.

“So, am I going anywhere else tonight?” Lexa asked detective Jones as she followed her into the living room.

 

It had been about a month of since she had started working with the detective. As much as Lexa hated to admit it, she was glad they’d found each other because she was doing a lot more good with the detective’s on her side. Lexa was still doing her own thing as well, finding her own little projects to work on on the side while Detective Jones pointed her towards bigger, and more important jobs. It was a little past midnight now, Lexa having shaken down a young man who had made a reputation for himself and not in the good way before showing up at the detective’s apartment.

 

“Not tonight.” Jones answered. “I have something big for you, so we’re gonna need to be careful.” Lexa nodded sitting down on the couch. “You wanna take off that mask? It’s getting a little ridiculous.”

 

“Nope,” She shook her head. “Not happening,” Lexa told her, “So what are we doing?”

 

This was a big one, if they got this one right, they would taking down one of the biggest drug lords in the city. According to the detective, it would take a few days to plan it out because they didn’t want any slip-ups – they needed to be ready going in. Lexa asked why not just take it to her precinct if she had enough evidence on him, only to have Jones confirm her original concern; more than half the precinct was in this guy’s payroll, Jones wouldn’t get too far that way. So for the next few of their nights together, it would be spent in the detective’s apartment, looking over more papers and drawing up a plan of attack, so to speak.

 

“Alright you two,” Lexa heard a few hours later as she saw another woman walk into the apartment, not recognizing her. “It’s late, break it up for the night.”

 

Lexa tilted her head slightly in confusion, watching as the detective stood up and walked over to the stranger, kissing her softly. “This is important, we’ll be done soon enough.” Jones told her. “Another half an hour at most.”

 

“No,” She didn’t budge, “It’s like 2am, Anya.” She rolled her eyes, “Your superhero needs her rest. And so do you.”

 

“Fine,” Jones sighed, turning to look at Lexa before realizing they’d never met before. “Commander, this is my wife, Raven.” She looked back at the woman in front of her, “And Raven, this is the Commander, the cause of the huge pile of paperwork on my desk.”

 

Lexa smiled at them, she finally knew the detective’s first name. “I’m going to make a move,” She told them both, standing up. “Tomorrow, same time?” Lexa asked Anya as she walked towards the door, receiving a nod from the detective. “Good night Anya.” She smiled to herself, knowing the detective was rolling her eyes as Lexa finally stepped out and closed the door behind her.

  

* * *

 

 

“Why are you so tired?” Clarke asked as they sat at the breakfast bar, two mugs of coffee in front of them. “We went to bed at a… _reasonable_ time.”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, stifling another yawn, “I didn’t sleep that well.” Well, she got back home at around 5am, slept like a baby, and they had woken up a little while ago – it was 10am now.

 

Clarke took a sip of her coffee before setting it down again. “Everything okay?” She asked lightly, wondering if there was something bothering her.

 

Lexa shook her head, “Yeah, it’s nothing,” She shrugged, “Just a bad night, I guess. I just kept waking up every hour or so.” She shook her head, Clarke knew that was something that happened to her sometimes, so Lexa knew she wouldn’t question it. “Anyways,” She brushed it away. “What are we doing today?” Lexa asked, this was the first weekend in about 3 weeks where Clarke wasn’t working.

 

“Well,” She started. “It’s miserable outside,” Clarke made a disgusted face, it was dark and rainy and cold, and they both loved that kind of days to just stay in. “So, just stay in?” She offered. “Snow day?” That’s what they called it, although there was no snow now; Netflix, video games, naps, cuddling – it was a good kind of day. “It’s been forever.”

 

Lexa smiled, nodding at her, “We still haven’t watched _The OA_ ,” She added, “Do you want to binge that today?”

 

“Yes,” Clarke answered with a small nod. “Breakfast first? I’ll help.” She asked, Lexa nodding as she hopped of her seat, Clarke following a couple of steps behind. Cooking in general was usually Lexa’s thing – Clarke could probably mess up making toast honestly – so breakfast and dinner, if they were eating in, Lexa was cooking. She liked to, so it wasn’t really much of work; Clarke instead opted for cleaning up and doing the dishes after Lexa was done – they didn’t mind splitting up the work around the house.

 

“Eggs and bacon?” Lexa asked, walking over to the refrigerator, “Or do you want something else, like pancakes?”

 

“Protein’s good.”

 

.

 

“We need a new couch,” Clarke complained as she moved in her place on the couch. It had been a couple of hours since breakfast and they were only two episodes into their _The OA_ binge. They were lying on the couch, Clarke still in her pajamas and Lexa in the same t-shirt as last night but she had pulled on a pair of grey sweatpants – it was a little chilly to just be in her underwear. So far the show was good and it had gotten both their attention from the get-go, but if you asked either of them what the show was actually about, they wouldn’t be able to give you a proper answer. “This one’s too small for cuddling.” It was, this was the same one they’d had since moving out of their parents’ place and into their first apartment and after all the years, they definitely needed a new one. “I swear I’m going to fall over.”

 

Lexa let out a small laugh, her arm around Clarke tightening slightly, “Don’t worry, I got you, you’re not going anywhere.” But she readjusted, trying to get comfortable on the couch, Clarke was right. “But yeah, it might be time to get a new one.”

 

“It’s worn out as fuck.” Clarke added, “And it wasn’t even new when we got it.”

 

They were a little tight on their budget when they’d first moved in together; Clarke was in college straight out of high school and Lexa…well, things were a little rough with her. They had both grown up in a small town and they wanted nothing more than to get out there; Clarke wasn’t a fan of how quiet and boring and close-minded the people were, and Lexa just wanted to get as far away from her parents as possible. So it was a little hard, but moving in with Clarke helped, neither of them really saw any reason why they shouldn’t get a place together from the start. Lexa wasn’t too sure about what she wanted to do after school, she sure as hell didn’t have the grades for college and it’s not like she wanted to go anyways; all Lexa knew she wanted was to get away from their small town and from her parents so she could be herself without worrying about anyone else.

 

So when Clarke had asked her what she wanted, Lexa had just replied with “ _I don’t know,_ ” and kind of just ended up following Clarke to New York. They had been together since the start, and Clarke had been with Lexa through all of it. It took a while for her to get back on her feet, well maybe to just _get on her feet_ because this was really just the beginning; and at that time, being transgender made Lexa feel like a burden on Clarke – it just meant… _more work_ according to Lexa. Well, it was; the medical things, the legal things, and those were probably the most straightforward things in terms of her transition, there were complications with her family, her own mental health…it was just _a lot_ for her and she doesn’t know what she would’ve done if she had to be on her own through it all.

 

But it was good now, things were good now; Clarke had a job she liked, and so did Lexa, and they were both happy with each other. This wasn’t their first apartment though, they’re first one was too small and too crammed but neither of them had complained. This was their third one, they’d always been in the same neighborhood though, it was just convenient; this apartment was nicer than the last two. You couldn’t really call it a two bedroom because the second was too small – so…one and a half bedroom. Clarke was using the half bedroom as a little art studio; it didn’t have much furniture in it, none really, just a small table with her supplies and an easel – not to mention the canvases scattered over the floor.

 

Back to the couch though, a new one wouldn’t really be a bad idea considering how much time they spend on it. Days in were spent on the couch, in front of the TV either watching something or just keeping it turned on for some background noise. And even if it wasn’t a day in, they’d be back home from work at the end of the day and end up on that couch until they wanted to go to bed. Cuddling in front of the TV was probably their favorite thing to do, but when the couch wasn’t comfortable, it kind of took away from that experience.

 

“You know if you just,” Lexa started, pulling Clarke closer, and practically on top of her. “Lie down on top of me,” She added, listening to the small giggle escape the blonde as Lexa felt Clarke’s weight on her. “It’s much better.” Lexa smiled at her. “And safer.” She knew Clarke was rolling her eyes at that but Lexa couldn’t really see, “You won’t fall off.”

 

“What _ever_ would I do without my very strong girlfriend?” Clarke added sarcastically.

 

“Who else would keep you safe from falling off of dangerous heights?” Lexa responded, matching her tone.

 

Clarke brought her head up from Lexa’s chest, looking up at her before placing a small kiss on her jaw, “Question,” She asked, Lexa looking at her as she waited for a reply, “What is this show about?” Clarke asked, “It’s good, it’s really good and I like it so far but I have no idea what’s going on.”

 

Lexa laughed in response, that adorable almost giggle that bubbled out of her when she couldn’t stop herself and Clarke loved so much. “Baby, I have no idea.” She replied, shaking her head slightly.

 

The rest of the day was pretty good too, after about episode 4, they both had to tune into something else because well…there was a lot going on and neither of them wanted to pay much attention after the first five episodes. It was just watching whatever was on TV and not really paying attention to anything other than just themselves; snow days were a bit more rare nowadays, they were both busy and Clarke’s shifts didn’t sometimes line up with the time Lexa was home. They stayed on the couch for a bit longer, Clarke blankly staring at the TV screen as she lied on top of Lexa and Lexa not even looking at the TV but at girlfriend who was practically a work of art – why _would_ she be looking at anything else?

 

“You hungry?” Lexa asked after a little while, hearing the quiet rumbling in Clarke stomach – well, she felt it against her’s really, it had been a good few hours since they’d had breakfast. Clarke brought her head up from Lexa’s chest, looking up at her. “I can hear how hungry you are, I don’t know why I asked.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes, moving to get away from Lexa before realizing the only place to go would be to roll over onto the damn floor. “Move,” She told Lexa instead.

 

“I’m kinda stuck.” Lexa pointed out, quirking an eyebrow.

 

Clarke only rolled her eyes, moving her legs from off of Lexa and swinging it onto the floor before standing up. “Up,” She said to Lexa, holding her hand out and waiting for her to take it.

 

“I don’t wanna get up though,” Lexa complained.

 

“You’re the one who brought up food.” Clarke shrugged, still holding her hand out. “Come on, let’s get something to eat.”

 

.

 

It was a slow day, they switched off from _The OA_ to _Bojock Horseman_ after lunch; neither of them could put their finger on why – because it was a weird as heck show let’s be real – but they couldn’t really stop themselves from watching it. Once they returned on the couch after lunch, they didn’t feel like moving again for the entire day. It was a day of just being lazy and watching movies and too many episodes and just enjoying each other’s company.

 

Out of the blue a few hours later, Clarke let out a small frustrated sigh. Lexa only giving her a confused look in response, not really knowing what she was thinking about. “What…?” She asked slowly, her eyes moving from the TV screen to Clarke for a moment.

 

“I lowkey want to shove my hand down your pants but this show is really killing the mood.” Clarke replied honestly, rolling her eyes at the horse on their TV screen who was currently hitting on a human woman. “Actually no,” She shook her head, turning it to look at Lexa, “I _highkey_ want to do that.” Clarke told her, correcting herself. “Please put something else on. Literally anything but this furry shit.”

 

Lexa let out a small laugh, picking up the remote; she was enjoying the show to be honest, it was funny and light, and she was getting a furry vibe too but it was still somehow good. “I like it though,” She said to Clarke, pretending to think about whether or not she wanted to change the show.

 

Clarke did her best to not glare at her, “Do you really like it more than my hand around your dick?”

 

She took in a sharp breath, holding the remote up towards the screen and pressing the back button immediately, returning to Netflix’s home screen. “What do you wanna watch?” Lexa asked, doing her best to not get flustered – _why did this still happen ten years down the line, shouldn’t I be a bit more used to this?_

 

“Anything.” Clarke shrugged. “Something that doesn’t involve animals would be good.”

 

Lexa nodded, looking at the TV as she scrolled through the recommended shows and movies, and moving down to the _watch again_ section. “ _Orange is the New Black_?”

 

“Yeah, sure.” Clarke nodded, better than _Bojack Horseman_. She waited until Lexa had pressed play on the show before relaxing back into her seat and not doing anything. She knew Lexa would grow impatient soon enough and it wasn’t really fun any other way.

 

A few minutes passed, Clarke pretending to pay attention to the episode playing in front of her as she noticed Lexa looking over at her every couple of seconds, waiting for what she had been promised. Clarke let it drag out for a little while, waiting until Lexa had finally stopped looking over at her before slowly bringing her hand up. They were sitting on the couch now, Lexa on one corner with Clarke leaning against her; Lexa had her arm around Clarke, Clarke relaxed by her side. Her hand finally came up to the hem of Lexa’s t-shirt, slowly reaching under it as her hand crept up along her stomach, clearly feeling every bump of those rock hard abs. “It’s winter, you can cut yourself some slack.” Clarke commented about it with a shrug. “I’m the only one who sees you.”

 

“Exactly,” Lexa nodded at her, “And I wanna look good for you.”

 

Clarke scoffed, rolling her eyes, “Gay.”

 

“Guilty.”

 

Clarke only smiled, letting her head fall back on Lexa’s shoulder as her hand kept moving up. Lexa wasn’t wearing a bra – they were spending the day home, why would she really – giving Clarke easy access as she grabbed her boob, noticing Lexa let out a small breath as Clarke squeezed gently. Lexa only clenched her jaws, keeping herself under control for as long as she could before she felt Clarke’s fingers teasing her nipples. Clarke could feel Lexa stiffen slightly, moving herself a little as she brought her lips closer to Lexa’s ear, “I know you like that.” She whispered, gently nipping on her earlobe before slowly moving down. Small gentle bites and kisses along her neck, moving down to her shoulder which was still covered by her t-shirt before Clarke went back up, kissing up along Lexa’s jaw then to her mouth before kissing her softly.

 

Clarke trailed her hand down, this time going to the waistband of Lexa’s sweatpants before removing her mouth from Lexa’s. She could feel the soft bulge in her pants and Clarke brought herself up slightly, leaning back against the couch as she pretended to not be doing at all. Her hand finally slipped under the waistband and past the underwear before she found what she was looking for. Clarke squeezed gently, earning a very soft and breathy sigh from Lexa; she didn’t stop her hands moving, stroking gently, almost massaging her length to get it hard before speaking again. “Pull your pants down,” Clarke looked up at her.

 

Lexa only raised her hips, bringing her hands to her sweatpants before pulling it down only to her thighs, just enough to let Clarke do what she’d been wanting to. “Better?” She asked, letting out a shaky breath this time as she tried to relax and keep herself under check.

 

“Yes,” Clarke replied casually, biting her lip nonetheless as she looked down and wrapped her fingers lightly around Lexa’s now-hard shaft before helping it out of the sweatpants. “You good?” Clarke asked lightly, starting to move her hand along the length. “Can you check in that little drawer for some lube?” She asked Lexa, “Too much friction.” There was a small corner table next to the side of the couch that Lexa could reach which had a small drawer on it with a few _essentials_ – like lube and condoms, it kept it within reach but out of sight in case someone else was around.

 

Lexa forced herself to nod, before shakily bringing her hand up and reaching for what Clarke asked, she couldn’t see what Clarke was doing but she could feel her index finger and thumb gently squeezing the head. She managed to open the drawer, fumbling in the drawer for a minute, looking for the tube of lube as Clarke’s fingers kept moving – going a little slowly, not putting too much pressure because there would be too much friction without a little _help_. Lexa’s hand finally found what she was looking for and she let out a small sigh of relief as she pulled it out. “Got it.” She handed it to Clarke, leaning back against the couch as she tried to relax; Lexa rolled her eyes, slowly closing it as she felt Clarke let go of her and let out an involuntary disapproving groan.

 

Clarke didn’t take long, squeezing it onto her hand before setting the small blue tube on the coffee table and returning to what she was doing. “Better,” She commented, running a softly closed hand over Lexa’s shaft, getting the lube all over it. “God, why are you so tense?” Clarke asked lightly. “Relax, watch your show.” She told her, “And let me do my thing.” Lexa nodded, her hand gripping the armrest of the couch tightly, trying to do what Clarke asked as her hand continued to move slowly along her. Clarke wasn’t paying much attention to the show, of course not, but she knew Lexa well enough to make her come in five minutes without so much as looking at her. She let go of her for a second, getting a disapproving groan from Lexa in response; Clarke ran her fingers along it, feather light touches that sent shivers through Lexa.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa whined, a small frustrated voice, asking Clarke to give her more.

 

“Be patient,” She told her, a small smile playing on her lips as she finally wrapped her hand around Lexa. Clarke moved back and forth, not squeezing too hard but just enough to keep Lexa on the edge. “All in time.”

 

She kept it at a slow pace for a couple of minutes, slowly but surely driving Lexa crazy. It was always fun to do that, Lexa not feeling it as intense from the start but within a few minutes not being able to breathe properly. It was a little while before Clarke noticed the hitch in Lexa’s breath and knew it would only make sense to turn it up a notch. Clarke’s grip around Lexa tightened, moving her hand back and forth a little harder as she saw Lexa take in a deep breath. She could see small specks of white at the tip, tempted to let go for a second just to frustrate Lexa. Instead she loosened her grip, just barely holding her cock as she moved her hand slowly.

 

“Dammit,” Lexa breathed out, “Don’t let go.” She squirmed a little as her eyes slid shut. “Harder, please.” She asked.

 

Clarke brought her head up slightly, biting onto Lexa’s neck gently, but a bit harder than earlier as her hand continued doing what it was. She stopped after a minute, trailing off with lighter kisses as the grunts and moans from Lexa started to grow louder. She brought up her other hand, circling her index finger and thumb around the base of Lexa’s cock, putting pressure on the balls as her other hand picked up the pace again, the fist around her tightening again.

 

“Don’t stop.” Lexa chocked out, quickly followed by a loud moan as Clarke suddenly squeezing at the base. “Fuck,” She swore out. “I’m so close.”

 

“I know,” Clarke breathed out against her neck. “Are you gonna come in my hand?”

 

Lexa only nodded, her breathing rushed and eyes pressed shut. “You know I am.” She gasped out. She wasn’t going to make a mess, that didn’t happen anymore; the most she would do was make Clarke’s hands a little sticky.

 

Lexa let out another breath, sounding more like a grunt this time as she felt her hips wanting to thrust into Clarke’s hands and did her best to keep herself still. It wasn’t long after that, her hand on the armrest tightened as she felt herself getting closer, breathing jagged and eyes squeezed shut as Clarke’s hand continued to move along her hard cock. Lexa could feel it coming, the pressure building up in her balls, just waiting to practically implode. “Oh god,” She pressed her head into the back of the couch, the inevitable on the brink as Clarke’s hand stopped at the head, small white streaks leaking out as the final wave hit. “Fuck,” Lexa gasped out breathlessly, the sticky white strands pouring out in a small slow stream spilling down the outside of Clarke’s fist, that was still closed around her. “Don’t stop,” Lexa let out another grunt, unable to stop her hips from thrusting into Clarke’s hand this time as Clarke continued to pump her hand, watching Lexa moan out her name, her body tense for a while before finally relaxing.

 

Clarke hand around her loosened before slowly letting go, watching the rise and fall of Lexa’s chest eventually slow down. “Need a minute?” She asked, quirking an eyebrow as Lexa finally opened her eyes, blissfully worn out.

 

“Yeah,” She breathed out in reply before falling silent for a minute, “That shouldn’t have worn me out but it did.” Lexa admitted, a small smile playing on her lips. “I swear I’m gonna fall asleep now.” She told her. “But you’re all mine tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in all honesty, i was worried about posting this one because of the smut and because of the reaction i might get from it. but my friend was right, it's my fic and i decide what goes in and what doesn't. and it's pretty vanilla so yeah come at me if you really wanna....


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up a little after the last chapter, Lexa returns the favor to Clarke later that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been in a really frustrated mood since last night because i wrote this in one go and i have no one to _take care of it_. so i hope you guys appreciate the pain i put myself through when writing smut.

“So are you still up for returning the favor?” Clarke asked as she settled into bed, her voice low and inviting, referring back to earlier today.

 

Lexa smiled to herself, nodding as she walking up to the dresser, her back facing Clarke. She opened the drawer, taking out a couple of pills before swallowing the small on without any water and walking away to the bathroom to get herself a glass of water for the other. “It wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t.” Lexa replied as she walked back towards the bed, a small smile playing on her lips. “And how would I have any fun if I didn’t return the favor?” She asked suggestively, getting into bed and crawling her way up to Clarke. Lexa knew Clarke was smiling as she let her hands go up under Clarke’s shirt, playfully going up along her body.

 

Playful and fun was mostly what it was like now, especially at times like this where they were fooling around and just enjoying themselves. They were comfortable with each other after all these years together, Lexa knew what Clarke liked depending on her mood, and Clarke knew Lexa’s boundaries, what she was okay with and what she wasn’t. It was a little tricky when they had first met, Lexa was a little _awkward_ when it came to getting physical and Clarke did her best to make sure she wouldn’t make her uncomfortable. But at this point, they knew each other’s bodies as well as their own.

 

Lexa placed soft kisses along her neck, going up from her collarbone to her ear, “You seem a little eager tonight.” She said into her ear, her voice low and teasing before gently tugging on her earlobe with her teeth.

 

“A little?” Clarke asked, trying to keep her voice neutral although Lexa’s hands were very expertly exploring her body. “I thought you knew me better than that.”

 

The kisses were soft, just barely there, as Lexa trailed back down again to Clarke’s collarbones, realizing she hadn’t given them enough attention. There were gentle nips along the neck, before running her tongue over where she had bitten on her skin. Clarke liked that, Lexa knew that, and she got the response she was looking for when she bit down in her neck a little harder, the teeth digging into her skin just a little bit more and earning a quiet moan from Clarke. Lexa moved slightly, her knee going up between Clarke’s legs, trying part them slightly.

 

She could feel Clarke’s hands starting to wonder, about to go up under Lexa’s shirt and reach up her back. But Lexa stopped her, her hand coming up from under Clarke’s shirt to take Clarke’s and hold it down against the bed. “I wanna touch.” Clarke almost whined, pouting a little.

 

“Not yet.” Lexa told her, bringing her face up and moving down to the hem of her t-shirt. She intertwined their fingers, holding her hand away from their bodies. Instead, Lexa brought up her free hand, pulling up Clarke’s shirt just slightly, only a couple of inches before kissing the soft exposed skin. “You’re so beautiful.” Lexa said with a smile against her stomach.

 

They both had their insecurities when they had started dating; Clarke’s stomach was on the softer side, and Lexa’s definitely wasn’t – still isn’t, and Clarke’s still is – and at first she didn’t really like Lexa seeing it much less touching it. But now, not so much, Clarke knew Lexa liked all of her, every inch of her body was perfect to her no matter how she saw herself. It had taken a while for her to convince Clarke of that though, a very long time in fact. Because yes, to Lexa, Clarke _was_ perfect, every part of her; she was the most beautiful girl she had ever lied eyes on. _God, that is so sappy_ , Lexa couldn’t help but shake her head at herself.

 

“And you’re a fucking tease.” Clarke breathed out, Lexa slowly moving up along her stomach and pushing her shirt up with her nose as she kissed up along her skin.

 

“Well, if I get right to it,” Lexa spoke between kisses, “It’s no fun.” She needed to get Clarke out of her clothes, possibly get out of her own clothes too. But she would keep Clarke’s pants on as long as possible because Lexa knew how great it was when she got too impatient. “Just relax.”

 

Clarke nodded, letting out a small breath as she did what Lexa asked; lying back and closing her eyes. She let Lexa do her thing, move that very capable tongue along her skin and her hands touching and pressing against just the right spots. Lexa liked utilizing more than just her mouth and hands, so when she finally got up to kiss Clarke’s lips, Lexa brought her knee up a little more, putting a little pressure against Clarke’s center. She let out a little groan at that, but it was caught of with Lexa’s lips pressing against her’s. Clarke could feel Lexa grinding her hips against her’s, and suddenly the material of their pants felt like too much of an obstacle. Their lips moved against each other’s, tongue and teeth clashing; it was hot and messy and a little impatient because Clarke wanted to just get to it already.

 

“You’re hard already.” Clarke said after a little while, a little breathless, Lexa’s hand now on the waistband of her shorts.

 

Lexa pulled back slightly, the tip of her nose brushing against Clarke’s cheek, “And you’re not wet?”

 

“I am.” Clarke agreed, “But you’re not doing anything about it.” Before she could finish the sentence, Lexa’s hand slipped under the waistband of Clarke’s pajama shorts, reaching into her underwear.

 

“I’m getting there.” Lexa told her, pulling herself up enough to look down at Clarke’s face. Her fingers toyed between her folds, before going on her clit; she rubbed it gently, her touch soft and gentle and slow. “What do you want?” Lexa asked, her voice low and breathy.

 

Clarke was almost fighting Lexa’s hand holding her’s to bring it up but if was almost useless, she wanted to touch her, almost _needed_ to but when Lexa said not to touch, she didn’t. Lexa’s body pressing against her’s only made her want that more, Clarke needed more, wanted more contact but they still had their clothes on. “Can you-” Lexa pressing a little harder, cutting her off with a grunt. Clarke fell silent for a little bit, trying to gather herself enough before speaking again. “Can you take these clothes off?”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa breathed out against her and before Clarke could be relieved by it, she was regretting it because Lexa brought her hands off of her to be able to pull her own t-shirt off. By this point she was straddling Clarke, coming up to undress herself as she watched the impatient look on Clarke’s face.

 

Clarke didn’t wait for Lexa to do the same for her, instead Clarke brought herself up before pulling her t-shirt off and leaning back on the bed on her elbows. She was waiting for Lexa to get her bra for her, she didn’t want to do all the work herself, so Lexa gave her a little smile, reaching behind Clarke and doing what she wanted. Lexa didn’t wait after that, once the bra was off and discarded somewhere on the floor, she moved off the bed for a moment to pull off Clarke’s shorts and underwear. She did the same with her sweatpants, not bothering with her boxer shorts as she could see Clarke almost staring at the bulge. “You didn’t tell me what you want.” Lexa said as she went back to her previous position.

 

Clarke couldn’t help but let out a small shaky breath, closing her eyes as Lexa settled on top of her again. The feeling of Lexa’s body pressed against her’s, skin on skin, only made her more impatient, and the hardness rubbing against her wasn’t helping either. Instead of giving her an answer, Clarke brought her hand to Lexa’s, taking it before bringing it up to her face and putting her index and middle finger into her mouth. She could see the look in Lexa’s eyes, dark with lust as she watched Clarke push her fingers deeper into her mouth, giving Lexa her answer.

 

Lexa gave her that small suggestive smile that Clarke almost despised in this situation, before doing what Clarke asked for. Her right hand went down to where Clarke wanted it most, two fingers toying between her folds, one of them teasing to move inside. She was about to pull her fingers out of Clarke’s mouth but Clarke held onto her wrist, not wanting her to. Her right hand moved slowly, slowly pushing inside Clarke as she heard a sharp gasp. That noise never got old, it sent a shot of excitement through Lexa, even now. Her fingers moved slowly inside Clarke, hitting all the right spots as Lexa continued earning moans from her.

 

Her fingers inside Clarke’s mouth dug in deeper unintentionally as her other hand did the same, Clarke gagging a little. But the pace slowly built up, getting faster, harder, and after a while Lexa’s hand had gone from Clarke’s mouth to her waist, holding her down to prevent her hip from thrusting up against her hand. The grunts and moans from Clarke were getting louder too, and she didn’t want Lexa to stop.

 

Lexa pressed her palm against Clarke’s clit, rubbing against it as her hand moved inside Clarke, fingers curling slightly and pumping in and out of Clarke a little forcefully now. She was on the verge of coming too, her bulge was almost painful at this point, pressing against the thin material of her underwear but Lexa was determined to not come before Clarke. “You’re close aren’t you?” Clarke asked knowingly; there were two things that gave it away, how hard Lexa was pumping in and out of her, and the almost erratic look in her eyes.

 

“Not as close as you.” Lexa breathed out with a little difficulty, watching how hard Clarke was trying to fight it. “Don’t fight it,” She told her, a small smile playing on her lips, Clarke practically squirming under her and doing her best to show she had herself under control.

 

Her lips quivered, a loud moan escaping Clarke’s lips as her hand went up to Lexa’s hair, fingers tangling around it. “Fuck,” Clarke breathed out; Lexa was right, she _was_ closer than her. “Don’t stop.” She closed her eyes, giving into Lexa completely as her body went limp. “Keep going.” Clarke could feel her body moving with each movement of Lexa’s hand, feeling herself very close to the edge. Her grip around Lexa’s hair tightened, pulling her hair involuntarily. “ _Lexa!_ ” Clarke yelled out, her back arching as she felt Lexa’s fingers suddenly moving faster to make it last as long as possible. After a few long seconds, Clarke was almost trying to pull away from Lexa’s touch because of how intense it was. But Lexa was persistent, not stopping until she knew she couldn’t make Clarke last any longer.

 

Lexa pulled her fingers out slowly, watching Clarke catch her breath as her hand went down on herself, reaching inside her underwear to find herself still hard. Her breath hitched as she touched it, her length a little too sensitive, before wrapping her fingers around it.

 

Clarke watched her, Lexa had her eyes closed, straddling her as she touched herself. “Are you going to come?”

 

Lexa swallowed as she nodded, pulling her cock out, still moving her closed fist over it. She hesitated a little before asking, “Can I come on you?” It was getting difficult to hold off and there were small beads of cum already on her tip.

 

“Yes,” Clarke breathed out, propping herself up on her elbows to watch Lexa. It took only a couple of seconds before Lexa was throwing her head back and letting out a loud moan as white strands spilled out of her and onto Clarke’s stomach. “Oh god,” She forced out, her fist tight around her length forcing every drop of it out. “Almost,” Her voice was almost inaudible, emptying herself out before letting out a sharp breath, “That was amazing.” She finally opened her eyes, looking at Clarke who was staring at her.

 

“Yeah it was.” She told her, matching her tone, worn out no surprise. “Now help me clean up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i try not to do this, and i haven't in fics as far as i can tell, but there's a *little bit* of a self-insert for a small bit of this chapter and points to anyone who can guess which part it is.


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's pretty "accident prone" and ends up hurting herself. Twice. Once is because she got punched hard enough to leave bruises. And the next time it's because Lexa cut her forearm on a little "adventure". And Clarke's getting a little more suspicious because this is just not usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arthur, who comes up in the first line, is just someone who works in Lexa's gym and i couldn't come up with a better name. but yep, i finally got a new chapter up!!!!! so yep, lexa's pretty accident prone and she get hurt like twice in this chapter. nothing serious so it's fine. it's just an all clexa chapter.

“Hey Arthur,” Clarke stopped the boy as she stepped out of Lexa’s office at the gym, looking for but not finding her girlfriend. “Where’s Lexa? I thought she was going to be here all day.”

 

“Uhh, I’m not sure.” He stopped, stepping up to Clarke. “She left a couple of hours ago, not sure where.” Arthur shrugged. “But she should be back in a few minutes to lock up.”

 

Clarke nodded, a little confused as he walked away carrying a couple of weight plates towards one of the power racks. It wasn’t like Lexa to just take off during work without telling anyone where she was going. As far as Clarke knew Lexa was going to be at the gym all day because she was swamped with one-on-one training sessions and then she was to come home straight away. Clarke thought it’d be a good idea to stop by and pick her up then drive down to get dinner before going home. It was Friday, so it was a little late, Lexa stayed open later on Fridays and Clarke knew she’d be too tired today to make dinner. So when she got here, she was expecting to find Lexa, not an almost empty boxing gym.

 

It had been a few minutes now, Clarke growing a little impatient and deciding to call Lexa to ask where she was. Bringing her phone out and tapping on Lexa’s name, she held it to her ear, but a moment later she could hear the phone ringing from a few feet behind her. “Hey, where were you?” Clarke asked as she turned around to look at her, a little worried. Lexa was still dressed in the same t-shirt and sweatpants she’d left the apartment in this morning. “I was getting worried.”

 

“Uh, just went out for a bit.” Lexa replied, not really having an answer for Clarke. She thought she’d have the walk back to the apartment to think of something in case Clarke asked. “My last session finished a little earlier than expected so I went out for a short run.”

 

“I don’t know how you have so much energy.” Clarke shook her head, letting it go because that sounded convincing enough, it wasn’t unlike Lexa to want to go for a _fucking run after spending the entire day at the gym_.

 

Half of that was true, Lexa thought as she gave Clarke a small smile, stepping up to her, but deciding to not go too close because she was a little too sweaty right now. She kind of _did_ run, to where she was headed, and then ran back to the gym to keep her cover. Lexa was planning on taking a shower now and then heading back home because she wasn’t expecting Clarke. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Thought I’d pick you up and then get some takeout before heading home.” Clarke answered, waiting as Lexa went into her office to grab her gym bag before joining her again. “You look tired.” Lexa only nodded, the two of them walking out. “Long day?”

 

She nodded again, Anya had tipped her off about a duo of corrupt cops from her precinct and Lexa was just _taking care_ of it. So yeah, that counts as a long day, “Yeah, I really need a shower. And then I just wanna go to bed.” Lexa may have taken a couple of punches too. “I’m so tired.” Yeah, and there was probably going to be a bruise on her side tomorrow…probably more on her stomach. And back. God, it was a long day.

 

“Too many private sessions?” Clarke asked, noticing the way Lexa was flexing and stretching her shoulder. “Did you hurt yourself again?” She asked knowingly.

 

Lexa only shrugged, “Maybe…”

 

.

 

“Jesus Christ Lexa.” Clarke said shaking her head as Lexa pulled her shirt up, revealing the skin that was starting to bruise to Clarke. “Aren’t training sessions where you _don’t_ hit each other as hard as you can?”

 

“I got carried away,” Lexa tried to brush it off, but yeah, it was starting to hurt right now. “It’s nothing really.”

 

“You’re gonna be practically blue and purple tomorrow morning.” Clarke told her, it was something that happened occasionally, Lexa would come home bruised and sore. But it wasn’t anything that was too unusual because Lexa was, after all, a boxer and a trainer so she’d eventually get a few punches landed on her. “Turn on the TV, I’ll grab some ice.” Clarke added with a sigh, walking over to the kitchen.

 

They’d had dinner about an hour ago after Lexa had showered and changed; now they were both tired from their days and just wanted to relax. So that’s what they were going to do, just turn on something on TV, get some ice-cream and just stay in the living room until they were ready to fall asleep. Clarke was a little worried though, usually the bruising showed up the next morning, and most of the time, it wasn’t _that_ bad. But now…it was already showing and if Clarke knew anything, she knew Lexa would be all bruised up and sore in the morning.

 

Walking back to the couch with an icepack, Clarke looked her over, scanning her eyes over Lexa. “It looks pretty bad though, babe.” She said to her as she sat down. “Looks a lot worse than just an intense sparring session.” Clarke brought the icepack up, taking it to Lexa’s side and pressing it against her. “Did you get hurt or something?” That is what it seemed like right now, it almost looked like whoever punched her had the intension of hurting her.

 

‘Well, yes, I did.” Lexa answered, matter-of-factly. “During a private sparring session. With one of my gym members.” She told Clarke with a smile. “But that’s about it, nothing to worry about.”

 

* * *

 

Okay, this was bad, this was pretty bad, her forearm was sliced open and Lexa couldn’t stop the bleeding. She just had a bandage wrapped tightly around it on the way back to the apartment, hoping to stop it once she was here at least. Clarke couldn’t see her like this, it’d worry her and Lexa wouldn’t really know how to explain it. If she asked her the next morning, Lexa would play it off as something simple – not that someone attacked her with a literal sword. It was deep, she could see that; she was standing over the kitchen sink, the water running as Lexa looked at her arm again. It almost looked like it would need stitches, but that wasn’t really something Lexa would do right now.

 

Holding a tea towel to it, Lexa stepped away, walking up to the other side of the kitchen to grab a glass for some water. Her hands were trembling, her left a little too much because of the cut as she managed to hold the glass and go back to the sink. Before she could bring it up to the tap to fill it up though, the trembling suddenly got worse, causing her to drop it. The glass fell onto the floor, shattering instantly as Lexa closed her right hand into a fist, trying to calm it down. “Well, there’s my cover at least.” Lexa muttered under her breath. It was going to wake Clarke up though; she was a light sleeper, Lexa knew that, and that made it difficult for her to sneak in and out at night. It was even more difficult when she came back hurt, like this.

 

There were drops of blood on the floor, the sink was bloody, and there was already a tea towel drenched in blood that was sitting on the kitchen counter while Lexa held another one to her arm. She just needed to get the bleeding to stop and everything would be _fine_. _You really shouldn’t use your arm as a shield when someone is swinging a sword at you, super strength not bulletproof skin_ ; that’s what Lexa’s learnt from her little _mission_ tonight. Clarke’s not going to be happy and it wasn’t going to be easy explaining this to her. It would be a little easier if she saw her in the morning instead, because that way Clarke wouldn’t know exactly how bad it was. But if she walked out of the bedroom right now, and saw all the blood on the sink and on the floor and dripping down Lexa’s hand…yeah it would be a lot harder to exp-

 

“Lexa, what’s going on?”

 

As if on queue, Lexa heard a very sleepy Clarke walking out of the bedroom. Her feet dragged across the hardwood floor as she let out a yawn, her sleep weighing her down.

 

“Oh my god!” She exclaimed, finally seeing what was in front of her, all the sleep disappearing in an instant. “What happened to you?”

 

“I broke a glass,” Lexa tried to explain, Clarke rushing over to her. Lexa had stepped away from the broken pieces, so Clarke wasn’t walking onto a mess of broke glasses. “I was trying to clean it up and-” Clarke cut her off, grabbing her arm and holding the tea towel tighter against it. “I kinda cut myself. But I’m fine.”

 

“Lexa, there’s blood everywhere.” Clarke told her, her voice worried more than anything. “You’re not fine, it’s a deep cut. Very deep.” She looked up at Lexa finally, there was way too much blood and she’d only heard the glass break about a minute ago – there was no way she bled that much so fast. “Keep your arm up,” She told Lexa, grabbing her arm and holding it up over her shoulder. But right now Clarke was too worried to question anything and just led Lexa towards the living room. “Come on, let me take a look.”

 

Sometimes it was very handy having a paramedic as a girlfriend. “The bleeding will stop soon, don’t worry.” Lexa tried, but she knew it wasn’t stopping. “It’s not that bad.”

 

Clarke only rolled her eyes, gently removing the piece of cloth and looking at the cut. It was pretty big, on the outside of her left forearm, and it was very deep. “Babe, it’s really bad.” Clarke looked up at Lexa, “It’s very deep, it might need stitches.”

 

“You can take care of it, right?” Lexa asked, trying to keep the pain out of her voice. There was a throbbing pain going down her entire arm, stemming from the cut and running down to her elbow. But it was spreading now, it was going up to her shoulder and it had Lexa not wanting to move her upper body at all.

 

“No, I’m a paramedic, I can’t do stitches.” Clarke shook her head, leading her to the living room and sitting her down on the couch. “God, how did you even manage to do this to yourself?” She asked Lexa sarcastically, “A little glass can take your strong ass down, I can’t believe you.”

 

“A few butterfly bandages should be enough,” Lexa shrugged with her right shoulder, regretting it immediately because the pain was spreading even more. “Do I have to keep my arm up?” She asked Clarke. “My shoulder hurts.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes, “You do, you need to keep the cut above your heart.” She told Lexa before tightening her grip around Lexa’s forearm, over the cut. “It’ll stop soon, but I don’t know if it’ll stay that way without stitches.” She only held onto the cut over tea towel that was almost soaked through, not speaking as she tried to stop the bleeding. A good few minutes passed, Clarke standing in front of Lexa and just keeping pressure on it.

 

“So…” Lexa tried to find something to say. “I’m sorry I woke you up.” She told Clarke, looking up to her. “You got in late tonight.”

 

“It’s okay.” Clarke gave her a small smile. “My girlfriend’s a klutz, what can I do?” She asked rhetorically. “Here, hold onto it for me.” Clarke told her. “I’m going to get the first aid kit.” She slowly let go of Lexa’s arm, each finger releasing one at a time as Lexa’s other hand came up to where Clarke’s was. “Don’t let go, and don’t put your arm down.” Clarke said again as she rushed away to their bedroom, there was a first aid kit in their bathroom. They needed it more often than Clarke would like to admit, Lexa was just very accident-prone.

 

It was no more than a few minutes before Clarke returned with the plastic box. She opened it, placing it down next to Lexa before cleaning the blood off of her arm. “I think the bleeding’s stopped.” Lexa said as Clarke walked away to the kitchen to get some water.

 

“That’s good.” Clarke called back, filling a bowl with warm water and looking for another clean tea towel before going back to Lexa. “Your almost all cleaned up, you can let go of your arm I think.” She added a little hesitantly, wanting to clean the wound itself before patching her up. “We’ll put on some butterfly bandages and then wrap it up too.” Clarke told her. “I’d prefer taking you down to the ER though.” She suggested, “Get a couple of stitches, so we know for sure you won’t bleed out.”

 

“I’ll go tomorrow if I have to, but the butterfly bandages should be enough.” Lexa figured it’d be fine, it was just a cut after all.

 

“Okay, keep it up.” Clarke told Lexa as picked up the wet tea towel and gently cleaned the cut. It wasn’t bleeding right now, not as much as before anyways, there was still a little blood coming out. “This is going to sting.” She told Lexa as she got an alcohol wipe out.

 

“You might need more than one.” Lexa quipped, looking at the small white wipe as Clarke pulled it out.

 

“Yeah, I know.” Clarke nodded, placing the wipe against the cut and receiving a hiss of pain from her girlfriend. “I’m sorry baby.”

 

“Not a baby,” Lexa muttered, her teeth clenched as the alcohol sent stings of pain down her arm.

 

Clarke let out a small laugh, “You might as well be.” Lexa didn’t respond, only gave Clarke a disapproving look. It didn’t take for her to clean the wound though, then she was unwrapping the butterfly bandages to hold it closed. It took five to keep it closed and stop the bleeding almost completely. But Clarke reached back into the box again, bringing out the roll of white gauze bandage before wrapping it around her arm. “You have to take a few days off from work.” Clarke said as she finished wrapping the bandage and tucking the loose end in. “Okay, out it down.”

 

“I’ll just sit at in office then.” Lexa smiled back at Clarke in response. “Until you clear me doc.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes, “We’ll clean up the kitchen sink in the morning.” She told Lexa, disregarding what Lexa had just said. “Now come on, let’s get you some painkillers and then to bed.” She held out her hand. “And get you changed.”

 

“This is gonna hurt tomorrow morning isn’t it?” Lexa asked as she took Clarke’s offered hand and stood up.

 

“So you’re telling me it’s not hurting right now?” Clarke asked, linking her arm with Lexa’s good one as they walked up to the bedroom. “I still don’t know how you managed to get a cut so bad.” She told her again. “And why are you not in your pj’s?”

 

“I went out for a bit.” Lexa answered, doing her best to make sure she sounded convincing. “A little drive to clear my head, you know how it is, nothing interesting.”

 

Clarke nodded, yeah she knew this was something Lexa did some nights. But her cutting herself this bad on a piece of glass so quickly didn’t make all that much sense to Clarke. Whatever it was could wait till tomorrow morning because Clarke was way too tired right now to question her about anything. _It’s nothing_. Clarke thought to herself as she yawned, “Don’t move that arm too much.” She told Lexa as Lexa picked up the discarded t-shirt she was wearing in bed earlier that night. “If it starts bleeding again, I’m taking you to the ER.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i only edited half the chapter so yeah, i'm sorry if there were any typos. but yep, let me know what you thought, this is probably one of my fav fics to write rn so yeah the comments definitely help.


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's growing more suspicious and it finally hits a boiling point. She's angry at Lexa for lying to her and wants answers but Lexa...she can't tell her the truth, it's too dangerous. And the fact that Lexa came home in someone else's hoodie at 3am definitely didn't help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> editing? who dat? idk an editing. anyways, so yeah, they kinda get into a fight and clarke thinks lexa's cheating on her. she just wants answers but lexa can't tell her. so yeah, they're both upset and hurt and it's a bad night. oh yeah, we also meet the two other member of clarke's team. there's also a little shocker/cliffhanger at the end so yeah, read on.
> 
> ****okay I fixed the whole Echo/Raven thing 

“Could you at least tell me before leaving at night so I don’t wake up freaking out about where my girlfriend is?” Clarke said as soon as she heard the front door open. It had to be Lexa, Clarke knew that, who else would it be at this time? “Where were you?” She asked once Lexa had walked into the living room, standing across from her.

 

“Out…?” Lexa replied hesitantly as she picked up on Clarke’s annoyed tone. “Just a little drive, you know how it is.” She shrugged.

 

“For two fucking hours?” Clarke was a little pissed off right now, she had woken up at around 1am, and right now it was 3. “Can you just tell me where you go before we go to sleep or something so I don’t freak out when I wake up to an empty bed?”

 

“There’s nothing to tell,” Lexa tried to brush it off, “I just needed some air.”

 

“Lexa you disappear at night like 3-4 times a week.” Clarke told her. “I just wanna know where you go.” She watched her expectantly, but Lexa didn’t answer, “Where were you tonight?”

 

“Nowhere.” That sounded more defensive than it should’ve been if she didn’t have anything to hide.

 

“Why are you getting so defensive?” Clarke asked calmly, but maybe a little suspicious now. “I’m just asking because I’m worry and it’s not like you to just disappear without telling anyone – at least, it wasn’t like you.”

 

“I’m not,” Lexa tried, “I couldn’t sleep but I went out.” She told her, turning away to walk off to their bedroom. She was tired and exhausted, it had been a long night and Lexa just wanted to go to bed now.

 

“Wait,” Clarke stopped her, standing up immediately and grabbing Lexa by the arm. “Who’s hoodie is this?” She asked, sounding almost angry now and not wanting to assume the worst.

 

“What? It’s my hoodie.” Lexa told her. “You’ve seen it a million times.”

 

“No,” Clarke shook her head, letting go of Lexa’s arm. “Your one says _Everlast_ on the back.” She explained, it was a black zip hoodie with the word in black printed on the back. “This one says NYPD.” It was the same color and font as Lexa’s but it was undoubtedly a different word. “Lexa,” Clarke crossed her arms over her chest, looking at her. “Who were you with?”

 

 _Fuck, it’s Anya’s_. She was in a rush to leave, so Lexa must’ve grabbed the wrong one on the way out. “Uh,” She thought for a moment, trying to find a convincing answer. “One of my gym members got it.”

 

“For you?” Clarke asked, not entirely convinced by her tone.

 

Lexa nodded, “Yeah, today.”

 

“You weren’t wearing it when you came home earlier tonight.” Clarke pressed on. “So are you telling me, you went to the gym now?” She asked, “Why were you there?”

 

Lexa let out a sigh, “Can I please just go to bed, I’m so sleepy?”

 

“No, not until you tell me where you’re going every night.” Clarke shook her head at her. This is something she’s been noticing the last couple of months really; Lexa leaving in the middle of the night, disappearing at work. She didn’t want to think about it, but yes, she has been a little suspicious of whether or not Lexa was maybe cheating on her. A part of Clarke knew Lexa would never do something like that, but at the same time, she couldn’t be sure, not really. “Because…I’m a little worried right now.”

 

“Worried about what?” Lexa asked, not catching on what Clarke was referring to. “I was just out.”

 

“Can you please just put my mind at ease and tell me where you were for so long?” Clarke asked again. “Because…let’s be real, you weren’t at the gym.” She added before explaining, “Your hair is down, I don’t see your gym bag, and you’re not even a _little_ sweaty.” She paused a moment, shaking her head. “Hell, you’re wearing _Vans_.”

 

“Clarke…” Lexa started, not knowing how to respond, Clarke wasn’t _wrong_. “It’s nothing, just let it go, please.” She was making this worse, that was definitely not the right thing to say.

 

“Just tell me where you were,” Clarke repeated, “And I’ll let it go and we can go back to bed.”

 

“I was just driving around.”

 

“I thought you said you were at the gym.” Clarke looked at her suspiciously, “That’s where the hoodie’s from, right?”

 

 _But you just proved I wasn’t at the gym_. “Didn’t you just list out every reason why I don’t seem like I was at the gym?” Lexa asked again.

 

“Then why did you lie about it?” Clarke retorted before falling silent, “What are you hiding from me?” She asked, sounding almost hurt right now.

 

“Nothing,”

 

Clarke didn’t buy it, only shook her head. “I can tell when you’re lying to me.” She almost reminded her. “After ten years, why would you even _need_ to hide something from me?” She asked, “And how could you think you could get away with trying to lie to me?” She was hurt, of course she was, the two of them never tried hiding things from each other let alone lie to the other. “Lexa…please.”

 

Lexa didn’t say anything in, she didn’t know what to, Clarke sounded hurt and that’s the last thing Lexa wanted to do. But she couldn’t tell her where she was or what she was doing, it would just worry Clarke and maybe even put her in danger. “Please just let it go, it’s nothing.”

 

“If it’s nothing, you wouldn’t ask me to let it go,” Clarke raised her voice slightly, not entirely happy with how Lexa was trying to brush it off. “You would tell me what it was.” She added but Lexa didn’t respond, so Clarke only watched her, unsure of whether to continue or not. “You never go behind my back with things, or hide stuff from me let alone _lie_.”

 

“I’m not lying to you,” Lexa said, her voice small and uncertain.

 

“You are!” Clarke almost yelled, “You’re lying to me about where you go every night, you’re lying to me about where you were tonight.” She shook her head, bringing her voice down, “I thought I could trust you Lexa.”

 

“You can,” Lexa sounded a little defeated, she messed up this time, messed up bad. “I swear to you this isn’t-”

 

“This isn’t _what_?” She spat out, her voice sharp and accusing, “Can you tell me where you got that hoodie from?” Clarke asked again, knowingly, but Lexa only looked away, looking at her feet. “What about where you were tonight? Or where you have the last few nights when you just disappeared?” She waited in silence, “You can’t, can you?” She was almost tearing up, not in a million years would she even want to suspect the fact that Lexa would cheat on her. But here she was, ten years into this relationship, _ten years_ of being together, and Lexa was probably cheating on her. “Are you cheating on me?” Clarke asked straight up, wanting a straight forward answer.

 

“ _What?_ ” Lexa sounded almost offended, but also knew Clarke was in the right to ask something like that. “No, Clarke I would never.” She shook her head immediately, “Why would you even think th-”

 

“You’re wearing another girl’s hoodie,” Clarke started, “You were gone from 1am and it’s 3am now.” She continued, “You didn’t tell me where you were, you didn’t tell me you’d be gone tonight. You’ve been doing this for months as far as I can remember,” Clarke shrugged, “And when I asked you, you didn’t tell me. Hell, you even came back one night smelling like someone else.” She let out a small sigh, “So…I think I have my reasons to ask that.” Her voice was measured, trying to keep herself calm but she could feel it wavering by the end of the sentence. “Just tell me where you were, and we can let this go.”

 

Lexa shrugged hesitantly, “I can’t…” Her voice was quiet, just barely audible. “You just have to trust me on this, I wasn’t with someone tonight.” She shook her head, “Or any night, not like that, never like that.” She tried to tell Clarke, because yes, a lot of those nights she was with Anya but obviously not in the way Clarke was implying. “Clarke please…”

 

Clarke shook her head, eyes welled up with tears threatening to spill. “Unless you can tell me where you were and what you were doing, don’t bother coming to bed tonight.” She walked away with that, about to go back to bed. “You can sleep on the couch.”

 

Lexa watched as Clarke walked away, a little offended and hurt that Clarke would think that of her. She shook her head, angry right now, but she didn’t know whether it was directed at Clarke or at herself right now. She could feel the tears coming too as she walked off towards the front door. She couldn’t stay here, she needed to clear her mind, for real this time because her mind was racing. Lexa didn’t know where to go, she was probably just going to drive around, maybe actually go to the gym and throw a few punches on the punching bag.

 

Clarke slammed the door behind her, knowing Lexa had left before she came into the bedroom. The moment she got into bed, she practically burst into tears, she couldn’t believe it, she couldn’t it, she couldn’t believe Lexa would do something like this. Now especially, they had been together for ten years, how could she do something like this? They’ve been through everything together, they’ve been there for each other through everything and for Lexa to do something like this…it didn’t make sense. How could she? Why _would_ she? _Maybe she didn’t…?_ Clarke thought hopefully. But then why wouldn’t she just answer her, tell her where she was or what she was doing every night?

 

.

 

Lexa didn’t eve know what time it was right now, she’d spent a little while at Anya’s place, actually she just dropped by to return the hoodie and get her one back. The detective wasn’t home, according to Raven, she got called into work about ten minutes after Lexa had left. She couldn’t see Lexa’s face but asked if anything was okay because she didn’t sound like it. She told her the truth, told her she had a fight with her girlfriend.

 

“Ah, so you have a girlfriend,” Echo started, the two of them in the living room because Lexa seemed like she needed a coffee or maybe someone to talk to. “What’d you fight about?”

 

“She’s…suspicious of where I go off every night.” Lexa started, “God, she thinks I’m cheating on her.”

 

“So she doesn’t know you’re the Commander?” Raven asked in response and Lexa shook her head, “I can see why she’d think that to be honest.”

 

“Yeah, I know.” Lexa nodded. “But it’s a secret for a reason you know?” She added, “I’m trying to protect her, I don’t want her to know, I don’t want her to be sucked into this.”

 

“What are you going to tell her?”

 

“I don’t know.” Lexa sighed, it was nice to be able to talk to someone about it. “She’s pissed and angry and I don’t think she’s going to let me into the apartment after I get back.”

 

“Leaving probably wasn’t the best idea.” Raven offered, “She probably thinks you’re with someone else right now.”

 

Lexa nodded at that. “Got any advice for me?” She asked instead.

 

“How long have you been together?” Raven asked, “Can you trust her with a secret like this?”

 

“I can,” Lexa nodded, “We’ve been together ten years, I can trust her with anything, I just don’t want to put her in danger.” She added, “I’ve made some powerful enemies and they’ll do anything they can to hurt me.”

 

Raven nodded, that was very true, that’s why Anya didn’t talk much about her work at home – she didn’t want anyone to be able to attack or hurt her through Echo. “Tell her the truth,” She offered, “I don’t think there’s another way out of this.”

 

She didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to tell Clarke the truth, but she knew she had to. After a while, Lexa had calmed down, her anger had gone down and she knew Clarke had every reason to be mad at her right now. It was her fault, Lexa knew that, she didn’t want to believe it but yes, it was her fault, she was the one hiding it from Clarke, going behind her back and just sneaking around. She gave Clarke every reason to suspect she was cheating, _god, smelling like someone else, coming back late in someone else’s hoodie. Of course she thought I was cheating_.

 

But now she was just walking, why was she even walking, because Lexa had no idea. Her car was probably like ten minutes away now and the sun was coming up, the last time Lexa checked the time, it was 5am – which meant Clarke had left the apartment now, she had a very early shift today. Lexa let out a sigh, shaking her head as she turned around, about to walk back to her car because it was about time she went back home, tried to get her story straight before having to explain to Clarke – tell her the truth.

 

.

 

“Okay we got something,” Clarke heard Wells say from a feet away, “We gotta go.”

 

“Wait, already?” She asked, “We started like ten minutes ago.” Clarke shook her head, walking towards the ambulance.

 

“Yeah, it’s a stabbing,” Bellamy added as he followed her, the guys seemed to know about everything before her and Clarke still didn’t know how. “Wells, any idea who it is? Did dispatch say anything else?”

 

“You won’t believe it.” Wells started, the others looking at him expectantly, “It’s the Commander.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeahhhhhh so leave me a comment, let me know what you thought.


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets to the scene of the stabbing and get's a surprise she wasn't expecting. This is mostly a Clarke chapter, reacting to this, to Lexa's secret because woah. And we see their first conversation after the stabbing so that. Is. Fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow two update nights in a row???? whaaaaat???? how???? goddamn right? no one's complaining tho. i'm going to try and update at least another fic before next week ends. umm so yeah, here we go, Clarke finally finds out about lexa and well, it's how she reacts. and ayyy their first conversation. goddamn lexa is worried.

No, she didn’t know what she was expecting when she was called down for a stabbing – honestly, Clarke was just expecting another stranger, someone she would feel sorry for and do her best to keep alive until they’d reached the hospital. She did not expect her world to come crashing down around her when she took of the victim’s mask. Clarke wasn’t entirely sure what was going through her mind when she first saw Lexa, her first thought was that she was worried and scared that her whole world could be taken away from her right now, but another part of her was angry that she would keep a secret like this from her. Because here she was, Lexa, the love of her life, the one she was mad at only a few hours ago because she thought Lexa was cheating on her, lying on the ground, bleeding out and gasping for breath.

 

“You’re gonna be alright, we got you.”

 

Clarke heard Bellamy saw to Lexa, him and Wells knew Lexa, of course they did, they were Clarke’s friends so of course they knew who Lexa was. And if they were surprised right now, it was nowhere as much as Clarke was. They were also doing a better job at keeping their cool as they tended to her. Clarke on the other hand was frozen.

 

“We gotta get her to the hospital.” Finn said, looking up at Clarke. “She’s bleeding out.” But Clarke didn’t really respond, she was kneeling by Lexa’s side, her hand on her cheek, not really knowing what to do or how to react. “Clarke,” He touched her arm, “We need to go.”

 

“Clarke,” Lexa tried to speak, her voice strained and requiring way too much effort to just get the words out. “I-”

 

“Shh,” Clarke cut her off, helping Bellamy get Lexa onto the stretcher. “Later, okay?” She told her, wheeling her up to the ambulance and onto it. “First let’s get you to the hospital.” She was doing her best to stay calm right now, not show Lexa how scared she was because no matter how much they were trying, the bleeding wasn’t even slowing down.

 

“You gonna be okay in the back?” Wells asked Clarke as he stepped away to the passenger side at the front of the ambulance. “Or do you want me to stay.”

 

“No, it’s fine.” Clarke answered, her voice measured. “Go up with Bellamy and let’s get out of here.” She told the two boys, “The cops are going to want a word.” She shook her head at herself, finally hearing the sound of the police sirens in the background. They had practically just gotten here but Clarke and her team didn’t want to stick around to answer questions right now. The cops would find them at the hospital once they were done at the crime scene and that was good enough. Clarke had her hands over the wound on Lexa’s stomach, keeping pressure and trying to control the bleeding. She could hear Bellamy tell one of the police officers that they couldn’t let them speak to Lexa right now because they were in a rush to get her to the hospital.

 

“Clarke, please-” Lexa tried to speak again.

 

And yet again, Clarke stopped her. “Not now.” She told her almost sternly. “Just stay with me okay, don’t close your eyes, and we’ll talk later.” That’s the best she could do right now, she wanted to talk to her about it, if the circumstances were different, Clarke would be wanting to yell at her right now, scream and yell and tell her off for keeping a secret like this. She was putting herself in danger – like _right now_ – and not telling her, making her worry, almost making Clarke believe she was cheating on her. _God dammit Lexa how could you be so stupid?_

The trip to the hospital was a blur really, and right now Clarke was in the waiting room with her team outside talking to the cops. They would be in to talk to Clarke in a minute probably – after things like this, they liked to talk to the paramedics as well as the victims, and friends and family too if it was relevant. In this case it was, Lexa was attacked, but it’s not like Clarke knew anything about it – hell she didn’t even know where Lexa had gone off too after their _talk_.

 

“Did you know she’s the Commander?” That was the first question the detective asked, he was alone, Clarke almost certain that his partner was with the boys. Clarke only shook her head, how could she not know that? How blind did she have to be? “And how long have you two been together again?”

 

“About ten years.” Clarke answered.

 

The detective didn’t seem to buy it, he couldn’t believe the fact that she wouldn’t know a secret as big as this given how they’ve been together for so long. But the distraught look on Clarke’s face was enough for him to not push too hard. He asked Clarke whether Lexa had told her where she went to before leaving the apartment as well amongst other things. “I don’t see how you don’t know something like this about the person you’ve been sharing a bed with for a decade now…”

 

The detective’s partner seemed a lot nicer, he left when she walked up to Clarke and took a seat next to her instead of just towering over her. Clarke didn’t even catch his name, she didn’t care right now, all she cared about was Lexa and how she was right now. She didn’t even know how bad it was, Clarke only knows from what she saw on the way here – _bad_.

 

“I know her.” The other detective said, taking a seat next to Clarke. “I mean, I know as the Commander.” She clarified.

 

Clarke looked up at that, not sure what that even meant, “Wait, what?”

 

“She told me she had a girlfriend a while ago,” The detective started. “And that you didn’t know about her… _alter ego_.” She told her. “Did you know where she was going before she left the house?”

 

“No,” Clarke shook her head, “How do you know her? She never told me about you.”

 

“That’s because I knew her as the Commander, not as Lexa.” She answered. “I’m Anya, by the way.” She introduced herself.

 

“Clarke.” She replied, her voice small and tired. “I don’t know anything okay?” Clarke told her. “I can’t even think right now, can we just do this later?”

 

Anya nodded at her, “That’s all really, there’s nothing else I really need to ask, I know you don’t know anything.” She said as she stood up. “Here’s my card,” Anya handed her a small white business card, “Can you give me a call when she’s ready to give me a statement?”

 

Clarke only nodded as she watched the detective walk away; she was still wrapping her head around it. Lexa was keeping a secret like this from her – a part of her was relieved given how Lexa wasn’t cheating on her, but another part was angry that she would keep a secret like this. Not only that, but she was also dealing with _this_ ; dealing with the fact that Lexa was _stabbed_. And she had no idea what was happening behind those doors a few feet away. Was she okay? Did she lose too much blood? Was she _going to be_ okay? Clarke just didn’t know what to think, or how to feel even. _One hell of a day_.

 

.

 

“Clarke Griffin?”

 

She heard a voice a few feet away, her head shooting up at it. “Yeah, yeah that’s me.” Clarke stood up, stepping towards the doctor. “How’s Lexa? Is she okay?”

 

The doctor only nodded, “She should be,” She answered, “She didn’t need surgery, we were able to stop the bleeding but she lost a lot of blood. She will be fine, it might take a little while though.”

 

Clarke let out a small sigh of relief, “How long is a little while?” She asked her, a little calmer now, she could feel herself practically shaking as all the tension left her body in a rush. Most of the tension was gone, for the most part anyways, so right now, she was in shock almost.

 

“As long as it takes for her to recover.” The doctor responded. “It could take a couple of months, maybe more, we’ll know once she’s up.” Clarke nodded again. “Give her a couple of hours, she should be up by then.”

 

Clarke nodded, she was still lost, didn’t know what to feel because…god, it was just a mess. Not even 12 hours ago she was fighting with Lexa because she thought Lexa was cheating on her…and somehow they had gone from that to Clarke finding out her girlfriend was a masked vigilante and that she was stabbed. So right now Clarke was just reeling it all in. It was too much, she couldn’t even imagine it – Lexa, her girlfriend of ten years, was a vigilante superhero, who had just been stabbed. Clarke let out a shaky breath, her mind going back to when she had found her. And how badly she was bleeding out…god, it just wouldn’t stop; Clarke squeezed her eyes shut, wanting to block out the images.

 

There was still blood on her hands, all she did to clean them was just wipe them with paper towels because Clarke couldn’t get herself to leave the waiting room for even a moment. Her hands still smelled like blood and it was tinged with red, especially in the spaces between her fingers. Clarke hadn’t really realized it until now, she was a little at ease now, knowing that Lexa was going to be alright. They’d need to talk, they would definitely need to talk but it would wait, it would have to wait a day or two at most really because this was a huge deal and Clarke was impatient to ask Lexa what the hell was going on – and Lexa seemed to be impatient to talk about it too.

 

.

 

There was blood still on her clothes and her hands when Clarke heard a nurse approach. Looking up she gave him a nod as he asked for a Clarke Griffin. It had been a few hours since the doctor had been out to talk to Clarke but she had no idea where the time had gone – if anything, she thought it had been only a couple of minutes at most. The nurse was here to tell her that Lexa was awake and that she was asking about Clarke. Clarke was a little surprised to find out that she was awake already, it honestly felt like it had been a couple of minutes since Lexa’s doctor told her that she was fine.

 

“Wait how long has it been?” Clarke asked as she stood up, following the nurse down the hallway.

 

“About three hours,” He replied, “You could’ve gone in to see her.” He added, “Just asked the reception which room she’s in.”

 

“I lost track of time.” Clarke replied, “She’s awake?”

 

She was, Lexa was awake and watching the door expectantly when Clarke walked inside. She was propped up on two pillows, mostly just lying down because everything hurt too much to be upright. There were machines beeping away next to her and there was an IV drip with fluids and blood, and Clarke could see a small bump under the blanket that were the bandages covering the stab wound. Lexa didn’t say anything as she watched Clarke walk into the room and towards her. Clarke remained silent too, taking a seat on the chair by Lexa’s bed. It was just uncomfortably silent between the two of them, Lexa both scared and tired to say anything and Clarke not really knowing what to say.

 

“Say something.” Lexa spoke after a few long seconds. Her voice was quiet and tired and just exhausted. “Clarke, please.” She reached out her hand slowly coming up towards Clarke – a part of her thought Clarke would pull away.

 

So it was a surprise when she didn’t, instead Clarke took Lexa’s, holding onto it before running her thumb over it slowly. But she didn’t say anything. She wouldn’t even look at her, Clarke was just looking down at their hands. She didn’t know what to say, she was going to burst out in tears if anything if she looked Lexa in the eye. She almost died. Clarke almost lost her tonight. And if she did, the last thing Clarke would’ve had said to her wouldn’t have been ‘ _I love you’_ but ‘ _You can sleep on the couch tonight’_. “I love you.” Clarke said suddenly, just shaking her head but not looking at her. “I love you and that should’ve been the last thing I said to you before you left the apartment.”

 

“You were angry.” Lexa responded, wanting Clarke to look at her. “I get it.” She added, needing to put in a lot of effort to just get the words out. “Clarke please look at me,” She tried again. “I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t h-”

 

Clarke shook her head, stopping her. “Don’t apologize.” She said to Lexa. “Not now. Not when you’re like this.” Instead Clarke gave her a small smile, doing her best to comfort her as she tried to change the subject. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Not too bad.” Lexa answered tiredly, “You’re smiling at me.” She couldn’t help but smile back at Clarke. “That’s a start.”

 

“Oh, don’t think you’re off the hook that easy.” Clarke said lightly. “I’m still mad at you, okay?” She quirked an eyebrow at her girlfriend who seemed to look a little better now that she knew Clarke wouldn’t yell at her or anything like that – not yet anyways. “Maybe not as mad as I would’ve been if you were…you know…cheating on me.”

 

“I would never.” Lexa responded immediately. “That is the last thing I would do, you know me.”

 

Clarke nodded, she did, she knew Lexa better than herself probably. And she would never cheat on her, she should know that, but honestly, Clarke didn’t have any other options…the way Lexa was disappearing at night, coming home smelling like someone else, wearing someone else’s clothes, what else would she have assumed? Speaking off, she still didn’t have an explanation for those last two. “I know.” Clarke nodded, “I should’ve never accused you of that.” She let out a small sigh, “I just didn’t know any better and…I still have questions,” Lexa straightened up at that, doing her best to prepare herself for whatever Clarke wanted to ask. “Not now, babe.” She told her, placing her hand on Lexa’s arm. “Later, it can wait.” Clarke told her gently, “Just rest for now alright?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they have a lot to talk through. a lot. this is a big deal. and i hate it when you see fics and even tv shows where couples just don't even talk and it's all just magically resolved. but on a sadder note, this fic is probs....coming to.....an end.....? i think so anyways. we'll see but yeah, they'll talk and they have to work through this. as much as they can i mean....lexa did lie to clarke. and like it was a big secret and i'm just thinking here like....will clarke be able to really trust her again? and how is lexa going to explain all of those stuff to clarke. and how is clarke going to take lexa going around and roughing people up (people who deserve it tho).


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's at the hospital, she's hurting and tired. But at the same time, she's also very high on painkillers. It's a little lighter than the last chapter, especially the ending and yeah, Clarke really likes how cute high!Lexa is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright so this is everyone's second fav fic??? woah???? i'm shook tbh at how many people wanted to update this fic first. it ended up being second but ayyy here we are. i wanted to start up again on a lighter note, lexa's not in a place to talk right away and clarke can see that so obviously she's not gonna ask all the questions she has straight away. instead, you have a cute and high lexa that clarke loves and for now, things are good. this was gonna be like 1.3k long, but yay, it's 2k+ so i know y'all are good with that.

Lexa was asleep for most of the morning, she was tired and exhausted and on a lot of painkillers. The events of the day had really drained Clarke out, she was tired too and it felt like she would pass out any given moment. She was meant to go back to work after getting Lexa to the hospital but her team had called in for her, let their bosses know she wouldn’t be back for the day – a few days probably. Honestly that was the last thing on Clarke’s mind right now, there were too many other thoughts keeping her occupied for her to be thinking about work. Lexa could’ve died, her walking out angrily on her that night could’ve been the last time Clarke saw her…it just filled her up with guilt, and what could almost be regret. Sure, thankfully, she didn’t have to actually see the consequences of her guilt, and feel that regret, but god, she came so close.

 

Lexa was in and out of sleep for most of the day, the first time she had woken up, it was out of pain and Clarke, who was certain she was great under pressure, freaked out. Lexa had woken up sweaty, gasping for breath, and clutching her stomach where the bullet had gone in, Clarke didn’t even need to ask her what was wrong because the pain was clear on Lexa’s face. It took Lexa having to tell her to get someone before Clarke could move – just seeing Lexa like that paralyzed her, she never really saw Lexa in pain, let alone _this much_ pain. The doctor that had come in gave her some painkillers, telling her it’d take a few minutes to kick in and had someone bring in some ice because that should help with the pain.

 

“Baby just breathe.” Clarke tried to tell her, watching as Lexa gasped for breath because the morphine still hadn’t kicked in. “It’s okay.”

 

Lexa only clenched her teeth, shaking her head at Clarke despite wanting to seem strong. “It just hurts.” She breathed out, “Everywhere.” The pain had spread throughout her body; right after the stabbing, it had only hurt where the knife had gone in but by now, every inch of her was in pain. The tips of her fingers were cold and a little numb and it just felt like the blood wasn’t flowing right now. “Something feels wrong,” Lexa was convinced of that, convinced there was something wrong that was making the pain worse than before.

 

Clarke only held her hand, they were still waiting on an ice pack because the doctor said a nurse would be bringing it for Lexa. “Yes,” She gave her a nod, “You were stabbed,” Clarke told her, there weren’t any complications, the doctors were sure of that, even now when he had come in, he told the both of them that everything looked fine. “That’s gotta hurt.”

 

“No, it wasn’t this bad.” Lexa argued, she was out of breath, a little sweaty but the drugs had finally just started to get into effect and she could feel herself growing tired and drowsy, relaxed almost.

 

“It gets worse Lex,” Clarke tried telling her. “The pain’s gonna spread for a little while before it starts to get better.” Before she could say anything, there was a small knock on the door as a nurse walked in and handed Clarke the blue icepack. She gave him a small smile and _thank you_ before turning to Lexa and removing the blanket that was on Lexa. “This’ll help.” She told her, pressing the ice against Lexa’s side.

 

Clarke watched her quietly, watching as Lexa’s breathing slowly returned to normal. Yes, Clarke knew what to expect right now, she was a paramedic after all, but seeing other people in pain – as bad as that might be – didn’t affect her as much as seeing Lexa in pain. She was worried and concerned and Clarke knew that just because there weren’t any complications _now_ , didn’t mean there wouldn’t be complications _later on_. Right now, Clarke felt all she knew was curse than a blessing because all it did was fill her head with everything that could _still_ go wrong. It wasn’t long after that though, Lexa drifted off to sleep, the drugs taking over her systems as finally relaxed.

 

.

 

By the time she was actually awake, the sun had gone down and Clarke was a bit more relaxed now because Lexa seemed a little better. Better, but…high as a kite. Her pain was really bad, even after waking up, so the amount of painkillers the doctors had given her was enough to make her… _very high_. Lexa was a lightweight as it was, even drowsy cough syrup knocked her out; alcohol was the same too, it didn’t take much to get her drunk. She had woken up about a handful of times since the first dose of morphine, and every time she woke up, it was due to more pain and aching. So by now, she was on the highest dose the hospital allowed. Which consequentially led to her being higher than she had ever been in her entire life.

 

Clarke had stepped away for a minute now, Lexa was actually doing better than she had been all day and Clarke was…hungry. She hadn’t eaten all day, she hadn’t even had breakfast so she had stepped away for a minute to see if the vending machines had something better than the hospital’s café. She has spent a lot at time at this hospital, this was the one her and her team brought their patients to the most. So yeah, Clarke knew just how bad the food here was, she hadn’t gotten the chance to check out the vending machines till now though. Lexa hadn’t eaten at all either, and every time Clarke had asked, she didn’t want anything. She needed to eat though, Clarke knew that, hopefully she’d be able to talk her into eating at least a few bites for dinner.

 

Clarke hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to her yet, Lexa was in no place to have a proper conversation right now anyways. And so Clarke couldn’t make herself bring it up, she was high and in pain, and tired, and Clarke knew she wouldn’t even be getting anything remotely sensible from Lexa right now. Honestly, Clarke hasn’t gotten more than a handful of intelligible sentences from her since she woke up. As cute and as funny Lexa was when high or drunk, it could be a little annoying because if Clarke needed an answer, she wasn’t going to get it. And right now, she was desperate to talk to her about what’s been going on with her up until now – mostly about this _masked vigilante_ bullshit.

 

Clarke will never forget the first time she had gotten Lexa drunk though. It was at their first apartment, and they were celebrating something Clarke can’t quite remember. But one shot too many later, and Clarke knew this was one of her favorite Lexas. She was a stuttering, fumbling mess who couldn’t even sit straight let alone walk. And as much as Clarke tried, she couldn’t even get Lexa back to the bedroom and she just ended up falling asleep on the couch – after repeatedly saying how soft the material was. To say Lexa was an unfiltered version of herself would be an understatement – it was more of, drunk Lexa was someone sober Lexa wouldn’t get along with because of how much of a confused mess she was.

 

“She asked about my boobs Clarke.”

 

That was the first thing Clarke heard when she walked back into the room with a cereal bar and a cup of coffee. “Who…?” She asked Lexa with a confused look on her face as she made her way to the bed.

 

“The nurse.” Lexa replied, she was out of it, most definitely – it was no secret how high she was and her voice gave that away. “Or maybe it was an intern, I don’t know. It was someone who works here anyways.”

 

Drunk Lexa was adorable, and Clarke hadn’t really had the chance to see her high, ever. It was cute, and it made Clarke smile, the way her voice was withdrawn almost and the confused look on her face was enough to lighten the mood – at least for now. “What happened?” She asked her, wanting to know what it was that had actually happened.

 

“She saw on my chart or records or something.” Her words were almost slurred, telling Clarke as she sat back down on the chair by the bed. “And she was here to check on my dressings so she saw at least some of my boobs.” Lexa added, she wasn’t too sure herself from the sounds of it. “And she knew I was trans, right? ‘Cause that was somewhere on my chart of medical records or something.”

 

“Okay…” Clarke nodded, but that last bit made her mind go to a bad place, thinking she would need to get up again, this time to yell at someone. “Did she say something?” She asked, equally angry and curious now. “Do I need to go find her?”

 

“No, no.” Lexa shook her head immediately – this was like drunk Lexa times by at least ten. “She just asked about my boobs.”

 

“What about them?” Clarke rolled her eyes, smiling at her girlfriend again.

 

“She asked if they were mine.” Lexa told her, “She asked if _my_ boobs were actually mine.” She added in disbelieve, sounding almost offended. “Who’s are they then?” Lexa asked rhetorically, sounding almost like she wanted an answer.

 

Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at that, “What did she mean?”

 

“I don’t know!” Lexa said immediately, pulling up the neck of her gown to look down at her chest. “They’re right there, attached to me.” She said with a shrug. “I’m pretty sure they’re mine.”

 

Clarke was laughing at this point, unable to help it. “They are babe.” She nodded, trying to contain herself “They are most definitely attached to you and they are most definitely your’s.”

 

“You’ve seen them.” Lexa said in her defense. “What did she even mean?” She asked deliriously, almost like she was asking herself. “Of course they’re mine.”

 

She brought her hand up to her face, trying to stop herself from laughing. “She may have meant if they were…real or like…silicon ‘cause you had them surgeciall-.”

 

“Ohh…” Lexa said as realization hit her, stopping Clarke. “That makes more sense.” She nodded before answering for herself. “Yeah, they’re mine.”

 

“Yes, they are.” Clarke agreed. “Real too.” They would be even if they were silicon because they would still be Lexa’s.

 

But in this case, it was just fat, Lexa admits that she doesn’t have this much fat anywhere else on her body and that was most definitely true. She didn’t want to get surgery, there were a good few reasons for it, the main one being Lexa couldn’t afford it. Besides that, there was the fact that Lexa really didn’t want surgery; recovery would’ve been too long, there was room for error, there was a possibility that it wouldn’t be how she’d want it to be. Instead she just chose to wait, let the hormone therapy take its time and do its part. And eventually, it did, it did take longer than it would’ve if she had gotten surgery instead but Lexa was happier with it this way. She was more than a little impatient when she had started transitioning, of course she was, she had to wait long enough as it was. But Lexa was glad she didn’t rush through it, she was glad she had taken her time.

 

“You like them right?” Lexa asked Clarke, it was a serious question from the way Lexa had said it. “Not too small?”

 

That one caused Clarke to burst out laughing, she just couldn’t hold it in any more. “No, no.” She shook her head, “Babe they’re perfect.” Clarke answered with a smile, “You know I love them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've done like so much research on testosterone but not too much on estrogen. so from the little i know, you can have boobs just through hrt. and i hope it doesn't come off as i'm talking down or whatever on trans people who do get surgery, their bodies are just as real as a cis persons. coz like hell, even i want top surgery, i can't fucking wait. but yeah, anyways, thanks for reading, let me know what you thought and i'm gonna do my best to update once a week from now on.


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke finally brings up the stuff she wants to talk to Lexa about. So they talk, Lexa tells her about her secret, and well...there are consequences. But Clarke is a good girlfriend and they mean a lot to each other for things to end over this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoop whoop here's a new chapter. longer than the last one and we're making progress coz clexa's talking in this one about well....all the stuff.

“Hey,” Clarke started the next morning, Lexa had been awake for a while now, and she had even gotten her to eat something. She was doing better than yesterday; by the time she had even gone to sleep last night, the pain had gone down quite a bit. She didn’t sleep through the night though, Lexa woke up multiple times from nightmares – most of which she doesn’t even remember really. Once she was awake, Lexa still seemed tired and exhausted, but not so much in pain – and well, she just seemed to be in a better place. “Can we talk?” She asked, sitting up slightly straighter in her chair.

 

Lexa only nodded, she knew it was coming, she’d have to talk to Clarke about this soon enough. “Yeah, yeah.” She answered, Lexa had actually thought this would’ve happened last night but Clarke was willing to wait and she was glad about that. “I’m all ears.”

 

“Are you feeling okay though?” Clarke asked first of all, “We can do this later if you’re not up for it now.” She gave her a small smile; yes, Clarke had a lot of unanswered questions, and a part of her was still angry at Lexa for lying to her for who knows how long. But, right now, what mattered to her the most was whether or not Lexa was okay. And after how she had seen her all of yesterday, Clarke was willing to hold off and wait longer if she knew that would be easier for Lexa.

 

“No, I’m fine.” Lexa responded, “I mean…I’m better than yesterday.” She shook her head, stopping herself. “I’m fine, just go ahead, what do you want to talk about?”

 

“How long?” That was Clarke’s first question, how long had Lexa been lying to her, how long had she been going out in the dead of night without telling Clarke and putting herself in danger – how long had she been living another life. “How long have you been doing this?”

 

Lexa thought about it for a moment, it had been a long time, over a year, maybe two even. “Two years I think…” She finally answered, a little hesitant.

 

Clarke’s face fell at that, a little disappointed to hear how long it had been. “Two years?” She didn’t sound angry anymore, just upset that Lexa _could_ lie to her for so long. “You lied to me for two years?” Clarke asked again, she almost sounded defeated right now, not knowing how to think. She watched as Lexa looked away, unsure of how to reply, “Lexa I can’t lie to you for even two days and you lied to me for two whole years?”

 

“I’m sorry.” That was all Lexa had to say really, it was true what Clarke just said, the longest Clarke had lied to her about _anything_ , lasted no more than a couple of days. And it wasn’t even something big because Lexa couldn’t even remember what it was about. “I didn’t want to drag you into this.” She explained, that was the main reason really. She was going after dangerous people, powerful people, and if they knew of Clarke, knew the Commander had someone she cared about, they would’ve come after her.

 

“Why not?” Clarke asked, wanting an answer because she didn’t understand it. Why would Lexa need to lie to her about it?

 

“Clarke I…” Lexa started, “I went after a lot people.” She told her. “Powerful people, dangerous people.” She let out a small sigh, “Why do you think I’m here right now?” She asked her gently, shaking her head. “And I…wanted to keep you out of all of that, I didn’t want you to end up _here_ because of me.” Lexa looked away again, looking at her hands as she played with her thumbs, “I’m sorry I had to lie to you.” She apologized again, “I just wanted to keep you safe, I didn’t want to put you in any danger.”

 

“But you put yourself in danger Lexa!” Clarke’s voice rose slightly, not angry, just surprised and a little dumbfounded at how little her girlfriend thought about her own safety. “I mean, look at you,” She pointed towards her stomach, “You could’ve died!”

 

Lexa shook her head, not wanting to talk about herself, “I don’t care about me.” Was all she said, “Do you know how many people I stopped from getting hurt?” She asked Clarke who didn’t really look convinced, “How many _little kids_ I stopped from being hurt?”

 

Clarke’s features softened at that, “But what about you, Lexa?” She asked in response. “Who’s keeping _you_ from getting hurt?” Clarke took her hand, giving her a concerned look.

 

Lexa only shrugged, “It doesn’t matter.” She told her, “All the good I did, it doesn’t matter what happened to me.”

 

“How can you say that?” Clarke asked in disbelief. “Of course it matters what happens to you.”

 

“Clarke just a few nights ago, I pulled off a 200lb guy off of a four year old boy.” Lexa responded, “Do you know what would’ve happened if I didn’t?” She asked her, watching as Clarke slowly blinked and shook her head at the thought, wanting to shake it away. “You do.” Lexa answered herself, “We’ve been together forever so of course you do, you’ve seen it happen to me. And you’ve seen what it does.”

 

Clarke clenched her jaws, she had a big heart; Lexa always put others before herself, even strangers. And after her childhood, Clarke could see why that would be, she wanted to protect the little guy, wanted to help them. Only, that was a problem when she put herself in harm’s way without having sort of backup. “You could’ve told me.” She said to Lexa, “If that’s what you were doing, Lexa you could’ve told me.”

 

Lexa shook her head again, “They weren’t the only people I was going after.” She added. “Like I said, powerful, dangerous people, people who could hurt you.” She reminded. “I couldn’t take that risk, I couldn’t put you in danger.”

 

“You put _yourself_ in danger.” Clarke reminded her with a sigh, “One of your dangerous and powerful enemies got to you.” She added disapprovingly. “You can’t keep doing this Lexa.” Clarke shook her head, there was no way Clarke was going to let Lexa go out there and do something like that again – what if next time she’s not as lucky as she was this time?

 

Lexa didn’t answer, she only shook her head, she couldn’t stop, she didn’t want to stop. She was making a difference, she was quite literally saving people’s lives, no part of her wanted to stop doing that. “No.” She stated simply, almost watching the anger spark in Clarke’s eyes. “Clarke look,” Lexa pushed herself up slightly, “You don’t know how much good I’m doing, how many people I’m stopping from doing _very bad_ things.”

 

“But you put _your life on the line!_ ” Clarke practically yelled, angry and unable to see why Lexa just couldn’t grasp the point of it. “What about that huh?” She asked her, the question almost demanding an answer. “What about your life, doesn’t that have any value?”

 

“I was doing it for the greater good.” Her voice was small, hesitant, knowing she would just make Clarke angrier.

 

“Bullshit.” Clarke spat out. “Your life is worth just as much as anyone else’s.” She told her – that should’ve been obvious, right? “And if you don’t care about that, what about me?”

 

“That’s why I didn’t tell you.” Lexa muttered, “I didn’t want to put you in danger-”

 

“No, you idiot,” Clarke rolled her eyes, “What about _our_ life together?” She asked instead, that was what she had meant when she had asked about herself. “If you ended up dead, Lexa I couldn’t even know what the hell happened to you.” Clarke told her, “Because you didn’t fucking tell me you were going off being goddamned Daredevil every night.”

 

“At least, you’d be alive.”

 

“Fuck that.” Clarke rolled her eyes again. “It’s been you and me forever Lex.” She reminded her, her voice finally softening. “And well…I _want_ it to be forever.”

 

“I can’t stop doing what I’m doing Clarke.” Lexa responded quietly. “I just…I can’t.”

 

“I’m not hearing that.” Clarke shook her head, “Get better first, then we can talk about that.” She told her. “You can’t keep putting yourself in danger without any backup.”

 

“You are not going to be my backup.” Lexa said, immediately shaking her head. “No way.”

 

“We are not talking about that now.” Clarke stopped her. “Until you get better and you’re at least cleared to go back to work, we’re not talking about this.” She gave her a look that said this was it, this was the end of the discussion – for now at least.

 

“Can we come to a compromise then?” Lexa offered with a sigh, she didn’t want to give up on this, give up on all that she was doing.

 

“Not. Now.” Clarke told her again, “Get better first. Then _maybe_ we can come to some kinda compromise.” She let out a small breath, letting that go for now before bringing up something else that was on her mind. “Can I ask you something else?”

 

“Anything,” Lexa replied instantly.

 

“This was a little while ago, I don’t know if you even remember,” Clarke started with a sigh. It had been a while since that night, and Clarke had honestly thought she would’ve forgotten about it by now. “You came home late one night,” She told her, that didn’t help because she did that quite a lot anyways. “And when you got back to bed…you didn’t…smell like you.” Clarke tried to explain. “Like… _you_ smell more sporty and fruity, not…flowery.”

 

Lexa watched her for a moment, thinking about what Clarke had just said, trying to remember that night. “That’s a funny story actually.” She started with a small smile. “That’s one of the reasons you thought I was cheating on you, isn’t it?” Clarke only gave her a small nod before Lexa continued. “Uh, I went to shake up a corrupt police officer.” She finally answered what Clarke wanted to know.

 

“A _police officer_?!” Clarke exclaimed, “Are you _insane_.” She asked her, eyes widened in surprise, who goes after a cop? “What the hell?”

 

“I had too much dirt on her.” Lexa brushed it off, “She wouldn’t do anything to me,”

 

“You didn’t know that.” Clarke told her frowningly. “When you say, _shake up_ , what exactly do you mean?” She finally asked, did they get into a fight or something?

 

“Well there was a little scuffle.” Lexa answered hesitantly, looking away from Clarke. There was a fight, she’d actually pulled the cop to the balcony by her leg. “That’s probably how I got her scent all over me.”

 

“So it was more than just a _little_ scuffle.” Clarke commented with a half shrug, letting out a sigh in disapproval. “Do you even know what _little_ means?”

 

“Ah yeah, what I have in my pants isn’t little.” Lexa answered her lightly, a little pleased at the look on Clarke’s face which told her she found that a little funny. “Okay so…” Lexa straightened up, slightly. “It was _little scuffle_ considering it didn’t last long and she didn’t really fight back.” She added. “But…I kinda picked her up…and dangled her…over the edge of the balcony…by her feet…”

 

“ _Lexa!_ ” Clarke almost yelled. “What the hell?” She repeated, just a lot louder and more surprised than the last time. “How dumb are you oh my god?” She only shook her head, “What if someone saw you?”

 

“It was dark.” Lexa shrugged, well tried to, she wasn’t moving much now. “I was in black, and we were high up.”

 

Clarke only shook her head, she didn’t have any more to ask about that, she believed Lexa. “Last question, I promise.” She told her and Lexa only gave her a smile, she was happy with how this was going actually – it could’ve gone a lost worse. “The hoodie.” She said to Lexa, “The NYPD one.” Clarke may have had an idea now, “Was it Anya’s?”

 

Lexa nodded slowly, “You met her?”

 

“Yeah, she said she knew you,” Clarke answered. “Well, she knew the Commander.”

 

“Yeah, she has been helping me with some of the bigger busts.” Lexa told her. “So…I spent few late nights at her place just going through cases and I guess I grabbed her hoodie instead of mine.”

 

“So do I send her flowers for keeping you safe?” Clarke asked, “Or do I go up to her face and punch her for putting you in more danger?”

 

It was the latter probably. “You send her flowers for making our little city a lot more safer.”

 

“So the latter…” Clarke shook her head at Lexa, before looking at her softly, “How are you feeling?” She asked her gently, “Any better than this morning?”

 

Lexa tried to give her a shrug, instead just settled on a look. “I mean…I’m better than yesterday.” She told her, “The pain is still there but not as much I guess.”

 

“What about the nightmares?” Clarke reminded her, “You barely slept for an hour at a time last night.”

 

“I’m awake,” Lexa forced a smile, “So no nightmares.”

 

Clarke almost groaned, “I mean, do you want to talk about it?” She finally asked her, “I feel like I should’ve asked you sooner, but do you wanna talk about what happened?”

 

Lexa shook her head, “There’s nothing to tell,” She told her honestly, “They just came out of nowhere and before I could react…” Lexa trailed off, “There was a knife in me.”

 

“Your cop friend texted me this morning.” Clarke informed her. The reason she hadn’t brought up the stabbing sooner was because she knew what Lexa was like, and she knew if this was the first thing she had to talk about after waking up, she’d shut down. It was traumatic, of course it was, and Clarke didn’t want to push, she knew that Lexa shutting down on her would just make things worse for her girlfriend. “She told me to let her know when you’re up for her to come by and take a statement from you.”

 

“Later.” Was all Lexa said, she didn’t seem to want to elaborate or even give an excuse for why she wanted it to be later. Clarke knew though, she was just too tired, and well…there wasn’t much to tell. “I don’t want to see anyone right now.” Lexa admitted. “I just want some alone time with you.” She let out a small sigh, “God knows we need that after what I pulled on you.”

 

Clarke gave her a small smile, leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss on her forehead. “It’s okay.” She responded, she meant it, well…she wasn’t happy about it but she was glad that Lexa told her the truth and…it could’ve been something worse.

 

“I don’t wanna lose you Clarke.” Lexa told her tiredly, leaning back into her pillow. “You’re my everything and I don’t want some stupid lie to change what we have.”

 

“It won’t.” Clarke reassured her – maybe it would though, maybe it would make it harder for Clarke to trust Lexa now but that didn’t mean she’d love Lexa any less. “I just…” She started hesitantly, “Need a little time to wrap my head around this…it’s a trust thing Lexa…” She told her truthfully. “I’ll always be here but it’s going to take a little while for me to trust you completely again.”

 

“I know…” Lexa agreed reluctantly. Clarke was right, this was fair, she did lie to her for two whole years. “You’re not going anywhere though right?”

 

“No, no, I’m not going anywhere.” She reassured her. “And Lexa…I don’t love you any less,” Clarke reminded her, “That’s never going to change, nothing can change that.”

 

This time Lexa smiled before adding quietly, “I know that too…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo look at me keeping my word about updating once a week. i would've updated sooner today but i was distracted on tumblr askdjfsksadf like tonight was a Ride. lmao i'm in a good mood so i managed to update it like i *just* finished editing it. anyways, let me know what you thought, keep those comments rolling in.


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few days after the last chapter, Lexa is making progress and recovering. Things are getting better, and Lexa's finally going home. So we see that, and we see Lexa at home after the stabbing. She's trying to act like everything is okay, but Clarke sees past that and she also sees that Lexa's way of "dealing" with things might not be the best method.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay yes i know i said i was going to update once a week. but i mean it was xmas and then new years and i was out of town and whatnot. but anyways, i'm back now. and i'll be on track with the updates i promise.

Things had been getting better since then, it had been about five days since the stabbing and well…Clarke had been here at the hospital by Lexa’s side since then. She got her to talk a bit more about her little _adventures_ as the Commander – a name Clarke still didn’t like, and continued to refer to Lexa as _the masked idiot_ instead. She wasn’t too happy about a lot of the things Lexa told her, mostly how she kept getting herself into dangerous situations – and the breaking and entering…yeah she wasn’t too keen on that one either. Clarke also asked about how she pulled off sneaking off to these adventures, and she had to admit, it was a little impressive she could balance this, her gym, and their relationship.

 

Lexa had been recovering too, the doctors were happy with the progress she was making and if things stayed on track, she’d be going back home in a couple of days. She had actually been up and out of bed only about a couple of days after the stabbing and as much as Clarke wanted her to take things easy, she was a little relieved to see she was getting better. Most of the pain was gone when she was on painkillers, and unless Lexa moved much, the wound didn’t seem to hurt too bad either. But the stitches pulled, even if Lexa didn’t move, they would pull randomly and her doctor said that was just a sign that they were healing and closing up.

 

“Hey, Clarke?” Lexa asked a little hesitantly, holding the unbuttoned plaid shirt in her hands, she was going home today. She had told Clarke she didn’t want help getting changed but maybe she was wrong about that. “Can you…help me…out…?”

 

Clarke gave her a small nod, a little happy that Lexa was asking her to help rather than trying to do it herself. She couldn’t stretch, not much anyways, and Clarke was most definitely worried about that – she was moving too much, spending too much time out of bed, trying to get up without letting Clarke help. “Yeah, of course.” She said to Lexa, stepping up to her before helping her with the shirt. “You good?”

 

Lexa only nodded, “Can’t wait to go home.”

 

They didn’t say much after that, not until Clarke had gathered Lexa’s things and they were leaving. Stepping out of the hospital, as they made their way towards Clarke’s parked car, Lexa finally spoke, asking her something she had been wondering for a while now. “Hey, Clarke?” She started a little hesitantly, “We’re going to be okay, right?” Lexa asked her, watching her worriedly as they made their way to the car.

 

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked, holding the door open for Lexa before helping her in.

 

“I mean,” Lexa started, pausing as she waited for Clarke to close the door and sit down herself. “After what I did…” She continued as Clarke sat down. “After I lied to you for so long.” She explained. “Are we going to be okay?”

 

Clarke gave her a small shrug, “I think so.” She told her honestly. “Nothing can really come between us, Lex,”

 

“But can you trust me again?” She asked her instead.

 

This time Clarke sighed, “Maybe I don’t right now…” She admitted, “Not completely.” She looked away from her, looking at the steering wheel instead – there was no point in lying to her. “But I mean…” Clarke turned to her, “Give it a little time, give _me_ a little time. And just…don’t give me any more reason to not want to trust you. Please-”

 

“I won’t.” Lexa shook her head immediately. “I was stupid enough to do that once, I’m not stupid enough to make it worse.”

 

“Wow, you admitted you can be stupid,” Clarke replied lightly.

 

“Only sometimes.” Lexa argued, “Barely ever,” She couldn’t help but smile. “Like one out of ninety-nine.”

 

* * *

 

 Lexa had been taking it easy the last few days, she had been meaning to go to the gym to well…open it because it had been closed without her there. She needed to get back but she had only been home for about three days. She had managed to convince Clarke to go in again from Monday though, just to open up and sit in her office – maybe walk around the place, but that’s about it. She knew she couldn’t actually go back to _work_ until her doctor cleared her, and Lexa knew if she didn’t wait, she might just end up hurting herself even more and pushing her recovery back even further. Yes, she knew she could be stupid sometimes, but she wasn’t _that_ stupid.

 

They hadn’t talked about the whole Commander thing yet; Clarke was avoiding it a little because she knew Lexa would want to come to a compromise so she could go back to doing what she was and well, Clarke didn’t. Lexa hadn’t really brought it up either because…well, maybe it was best to just take some time before getting into that – both in terms of her physical health and her relationship with Clarke. She had mostly just been stuck in bed now anyways, if anything Lexa was worse once she was home than at the hospital. And well, it didn’t take long to realize that it was because of the painkillers. Clarke was by her side though, and that helped, she had taken some time off from work so she could be home. It didn’t help with the pain but it did help with something else – it helped with the bad dreams and the flashbacks.

 

Speaking of, she wasn’t sleeping; Lexa was probably getting a few hours of sleep a night at most. She was tired, and exhausted, and just…needed to sleep. Lexa didn’t think this would be that big of a deal, she didn’t think a small _mishap_ one night would stick with her for so long. Well, it wasn’t really a small mishap, that’s what Clarke kept telling her, it was a big deal, what happened to her was serious, and she should take it easy and work through it. But Lexa didn’t want that, she wanted to be _fine_ , she wanted things to go back to normal. That was hard though, given how right now she was practically unable to get herself off the floor.

 

It was the stitches, they were meant to be dissolved by now and most of it had, but the scar that it left, and the cut that was left behind and still healing would pull every now and then. At this point, it wasn’t as much of the stitches but the tissues healing inside. And sometimes it hurt more than others – now was one of those times. She was just walking back to the bed from the bathroom, Clarke was in the kitchen right now, making dinner. But then something happened, it came out of nowhere and the pain just shot through her – it started from the stab wound on her stomach, shooting through her entire body, going up to her chest and down to her legs before she found herself losing her balance.

 

“Oh my god,” Clarke exclaimed as she stepped into the room, finding Lexa on the floor clutching her stomach before rushing over to her. “Lexa are you okay?” She asked her, the panic very much present in her voice as she helped Lexa up to her feet. “What happened?”

 

“It’s nothing.” She tried telling her, using Clarke’s hand as support to pull herself up. “I’m fine.” But she wasn’t, Lexa was still out of breath, stumbling a couple of steps towards the bed before sitting out.

 

Clarke wasn’t convinced, she only watched her sit down and catch her breath. “Are you okay?” She asked her again, “Because…you don’t really look like it.”

 

“Yeah, it’s…” Lexa shook her head, “The stitches pull, it’s nothing.”

 

“Are you still hurting?” Clarke asked her, finally moving to sit down next to her.

 

Lexa let out a sigh, her hand still on the spot over where the knife had gone in. “Kinda.” That was half true, it was hurting more than just a little right now, it should’ve passed by now – normally it did, it passed in a couple of seconds, sometimes minutes. “It’ll pass.”

 

Clarke didn’t seem to be convinced, only just moved the comforter out of the way so Lexa could lie down. “Lie down.” She told her, gently helping her to move down onto the bed.

 

“I don’t actually feel too good.” Lexa finally admitted, her face scrunching up as she rested against the mattress. “I don’t think it’s the stitches, the pain’s…on the inside, I think.” She could see the way Clarke was watching her, worried and concerned and unsure of what to say, “Give it a minute, it always passes.”

 

“Do you want your painkillers?” Clarke asked instead.

 

Lexa shook her head, she didn’t like how they made her feel. “It’s not that bad.” She told Clarke in response. They just made her sleepy and tired, and if anything, it made her feel sick and nauseous. “And besides, they make me feel worse.”

 

“What about just some regular pain meds then?” Clarke asked, “Advil?” The drugs the doctor prescribed weren’t really Lexa’s favorite. Yes, there were a couple she _had_ to take but the painkillers were optional. They were more effective at dealing with the pain than Advil or Tylenol, but their side effects weren’t great. Lexa still took them if the pain was too bad because then she didn’t have much of a choice. “That should be a little better. What do you think?”

 

“Yeah.” Lexa gave her a little nod, “Advil sounds better.”

 

.

 

“Have you talked to Detective Jones?” Clarke asked Lexa later that night. They were sitting in front of the TV now. Well, Clarke was sitting, Lexa was lying down with her head on Clarke’s lap.

 

“No, why?” She turned slightly, moving to look up at Clarke rather than the TV screen.

 

“Have they made any progress on…” Clarke trailed off, “Your _attacker_?”

 

Lexa only let out a deep breath before shrugging lightly, “I have no idea.” She answered. “I don’t think I even want to know.”

 

The received a confused look from Clarke, “Wouldn’t you rather know if they were behind bars?”

 

Lexa shook her head, “I want to put it behind me and not think about it.” She answered.

 

“How’s that working out?” Clarke asked knowingly, she knew about the nightmares. The look in Lexa’s eyes every morning, the tired sound of her voice, it was enough to tell Clarke she wasn’t sleeping. She didn’t need Lexa to tell her or even wake her up at night to let her know she was having nightmares. “You’re not really sleeping,” Clarke commented, looking down at her. “And even when you are…” She trailed off, trying to find her words, “You don’t seem like you’re actually getting any rest.” She told her, it was true. The few times Clarke had woken up in the middle of the night to Lexa still sleeping, she looked uneasy and uncomfortably stirring in bed.

 

“It’ll pass.” Lexa tried to brush it off, “I mean, they all pass.” She was right, probably, or maybe it was just that she was repressing it and it wasn’t actually _passing_. “Every bad memory, every little traumatic thing that happens,” Lexa added, “They all pass eventually.”

 

“There’s this thing that exists,” Clarke started once Lexa was done, her tone as though she was bringing up something totally new. “It’s called finding closure.” She told her. “It helps these things pass a little quicker, nicer actually.”

 

Lexa only rolled her eyes, “I’d rather not know how the shitty people in my life are doing.” She said to Clarke. “Once they’re gone, I don’t want to know.” She added, “So the same goes for my little attacker here.” Lexa let out a sigh, “I don’t want to know what’s going on with him, I just…” She trailed of slightly, “I want to get back to my life. I want things to go back to normal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i know lexa's way of dealing with things isn't healthy, that's just the only way she knows how to deal with things. anyways, let me know what you thought and i'll do my best to update in a week.


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of months later, Lexa reveals something new to Clarke, we also get to find out a little bit more about Lexa's past. And Clexa also talk about what's going to happen with the Commander and what Lexa plans on doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i know i know i was supposed to post last week. i just,,,well i got distracted. but yep sooo a little time jump, but that's about it. a bit more of clexa talking about the commander. but there's also a bit into lexa's past. oh yep and lexa also reveals another little secret to clarke. 
> 
> [[it's a spoiler i guess but i'd rather not be the asshole who doesn't give trigger warnings, so ***TW mention of past abuse.]]

The last couple of months seemed a lot longer than they actually were. Things were a little rocky between the two of them – slowly getting better, but rocky nonetheless because Clarke was still very much surprised by how much her girlfriend lied to her. But they were getting better, Clarke was getting better at trusting her again, they both knew it would take a while after that and no part of Lexa was angry at her about it. Not only was that not going smoothly, but Lexa’s recovery wasn’t either. There were ups and downs, and she had _just_ been cleared to go back to work.

 

“Please take it easy.” Clarke said to Lexa as she watched her get dressed. “Slowly get yourself back up, don’t push too hard.” She told her, the concern clear in her voice. Although these months Clarke was working her way up to rebuilding her trust in Lexa, there wasn’t a moment she wasn’t worried about her, a moment that went by where Clarke didn’t care.

 

“I’ll be fine,” Lexa tried giving her a reassuring smile. She wasn’t planning on pushing herself too hard, she was going to go by what her doctor said, which was slowly working her strength back up and not rushing it. Lexa knew that would probably be a little difficult given…how she could be, but she had to try, she didn’t want to make things worse and push herself back even further. “Don’t worry, okay?” She asked Clarke, turning around to face the blonde with her back before pulling her shirt open. The scar bothered her, she didn’t like looking at it, she didn’t like anyone seeing it, not even Clarke. It hadn’t faded, not even remotely in the past three months, it had healed yes, but it still looked as bad as it did a couple of weeks after the stabbing. The skin was raised, jagged, a little rough not only on the line which marked where the blade had gone in, but also on the skin surrounding it.

 

“When are you getting back?” Clarke asked as Lexa pulled on t-shirt.

 

“Not too late.” Lexa replied. “I’ll come back straight after the gym closes,” She added. “If I stick around I’ll just be throwing weights around and I don’t think I should be doing that.”

 

“Oh!” Clarke suddenly remembered. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you actually.” They both needed to leave, they both needed to get to work but this was on Clarke’s mind for a long time but she hadn’t asked Lexa because…well, it sounded a little too ridiculous. “Okay so there was this one time a while back that the masked idiot _supposedly_ threw a car on someone to stop them from getting away till the cops got there.” Clarke told her, “But…that’s ridiculous right? I mean…I know you’re strong but…” She trailed off, “You don’t have…super strength right?”

 

Lexa only let out a sigh before hesitantly walking up to Clarke. “Well…you see-”

 

“Wait do you have superpowers?” Clarke cut her off. “No, that’s literally not possible.”

 

“I’m just…” Lexa tried. “Really strong…”

 

“How strong?” Clarke questioned. “Pick up your girlfriend strong? Or…Wonder Woman strong?”

 

“Not technically Wonder Woman strong…” Lexa answered hesitantly. “So…I guess somewhere between those two.”

 

Clarke gave her a look which she herself wasn’t sure meant. She was shocked and confused and…well, she didn’t know what to say really. Or even how to respond to that. “So you’re telling me…” She finally started, “You _do_ have superpowers.”

 

Lexa shook her head, “No s. It’s just superpower…” She answered. “Super strength…that’s about it.”

 

“How come you’re not bulletproof then?” Clarke asked, suddenly looking like everything made sense. “Aren’t most super strong superheroes bulletproof?”

 

“Well, I’m not a superhero.” Lexa shrugged. “And…not all. I mean, Captain America isn’t bulletproof.” She told her. “I don’t think Jessica Jones is either.”

 

Clarke looked away from her, shaking her head slightly. “I’m dating a superhero.” She nodded this time. “Amazing.” She just seemed…calm. “Alright, I’m gonna be late, I should get going.”

 

“…okay.” Lexa answered, a little confused by her reaction. “Are you…mad at me…?”

 

“About this?” Clarke asked, “No, no not at all.” She answered. “It’s just…insane.” It came out as more of a question. “I mean…I kind of had it on the back of my mind since I found out you were running around in black tights.” She shrugged, receiving an eye roll from Lexa. “But wow…to hear you say it…” Clarke let out a small breath, “My mind’s going all key smash, it’ll take a bit for it to sink in you know?” Lexa nodded. “But don’t worry, this is…okay.”

 

.

 

“I wanna get a t-shirt made.” Clarke said lightly later that night as the two of them sat on the couch in front of the TV. “ _I’m dating a superhero_.” She added. “Or maybe, _my girlfriend has superpowers_.”

 

Lexa only rolled her eyes, “I guess it’s not a secret anymore huh?”

 

“To me or the world?” Clarke asked in response. It wasn’t too late now, just a little past ten and they were just watching TV before heading to head.

 

“Both.” Lexa shrugged, she had come to another realization though, now everyone knew who she was, that probably meant she couldn’t go back her little _side job_. Everyone knew who she was, and with a nap, it wouldn’t take much to find out where she lived, where she worked. That also meant it wouldn’t take long for anyone to find Clarke either, if she broke into someone’s place to just beat them up and threaten them, chances are she’d end up seeing them the next day. “That means I can’t go back to being the Commander…”

 

“No, no you can’t.” Clarke agreed, she’d realized the same thing. There was a reason all superheroes had a secret identity, and in the past couple of months Clarke had come to see why Lexa didn’t tell her. Yes, she was still upset by the fact that she lied to her, but she was a lot less upset than she had been right after finding out. She was right about needing time, she was also right about nothing being able to come between her and Lexa. It took a lot of thinking on Clarke’s part, but she could see why Lexa didn’t tell her, understood that it made sense from her point of view – she didn’t want to put Clarke in danger, and well…as much as Clarke hated to admit it, Lexa might have had a point. “The only small thing protecting you, just a little bit, was the fact that no one knew who you were.” She told her. “Now…well, you’re actually kinda lucky no one’s tried to hurt you _again_ since you know, everyone knows who you are.”

 

Lexa remained silent for a moment, thinking to herself before speaking again “What do I do in my spare time then?”

 

Clarke only rolled her eyes, “Well, for one, you actually sleep at night.” She told her. “And two…you find a new hobby.”

 

“I workout, that’s my hobby.” Lexa told her, “I’m going to get bored…”

 

“But you won’t be out there trying to get yourself killed.” Clarke said to her, her tone almost mocking as she gave Lexa a patronizing smile. “You’ll find other ways to help people Lex,” Her voice softened this time, “There are a lot of other ways.”

 

“It’s easier to help people who can speak up.” Lexa told her. “It’s a lot more difficult reaching people who can’t. Like little kids can’t.”

 

“It’s not your responsibility, you know that right?” Clarke asked her, “You did good, I am not too sure about your methods, but you certainly made a difference for the better.” Clarke gave her girlfriend a small smile. “But now it’s time to hang up the cape-”

 

“I don’t wear a cape.” Lexa cut her off, her voice deadpan and unamused.

 

“You know what I mean,” Clarke brushed it off. “There’s got to be more legal ways of doing what you want to do, of helping out kids in bad homes with monstrous parents.” She shrugged at her, “Look into it.” She tried, “I know it’s important to you and I don’t want you to feel like you’re giving up on something, but you have to take care of yourself too.”

 

“I needed someone like me when I was growing up.” Lexa started, “I wish I didn’t, but…I did.” She added. “And I just…I don’t want kids to grow up with parents who hurt them and feel like they’re alone and there’s no one out there to help them.”

 

“I know.” Clarke gave her a small nod, her arm going up around Lexa’s shoulder and pulling her in closer.

 

She didn’t like talking about it, Clarke knew that, and at this point, Lexa didn’t need to say anything to Clarke about it. She had a…rocky childhood, and that would be putting it lightly if anything. Her dad wasn’t an addict or drunk or someone with anger issues or anything that might raise flags, from the outside, everything was absolutely perfect – both him and Lexa’s mom were very well liked people. That was probably why no one believed her when they tried to tell _anyone_ she was being hurt by her dad. Another reason was probably the fact that it started when Lexa got a little older – she doesn’t have a single bad memory from before she was twelve. So by the time she hit about fifteen, Lexa realized it was best to just…not say anything.

 

And every single memory from the time she was twelve, made Lexa want to make sure no other kid had to live through something like that. It wasn’t possible, she knew that, she knew she couldn’t get to everyone, help everyone, but she could still do _something_. She could get to _some_ people, help _some_ people. She never told Clarke though, not after she was away from home and Clarke asked why she didn’t so much as call her parents. Lexa was too worried that Clarke would find that to be too much, or maybe she’d make fun on her or not take her seriously like their school’s guidance counselor had. She just saw Lexa then as a well built, and strong teenage boy who should be able to take care of this _himself_. Yeah…no, your counselor should not be like that.

 

“I don’t get it though.” Lexa spoke after a small break. “I mean, I _still_ don’t get it.” Her head was resting on Clarke’s shoulder, eyes on the TV screen but not really paying attention. “What happened?” She asked to no one in particular. “Why did my dad just wake up one morning and decided he was…not gonna love me anymore? How does that happen?”

 

Clarke let out a small sigh, “Don’t go there.” She told her softly, “You know what happens every time you go down that line.”

 

“I know.” Lexa agreed. “I still don’t understand it though, and I don’t think I ever will.” This might lead back into something Clarke said earlier, something about Lexa not wanting to get closure. She never went back after high school, didn’t so much as call her parents; when Lexa decided she was done with someone, she meant it, there was no going back. Maybe it would help to do that, _get closure_ , and ask her dad why he did what he did because she got a reason. And well…Lexa has never wanted to actually ask, not after she left anyways. But that might’ve helped, might’ve helped her recover from it – I mean, as much as you can recover from something like that because Lexa is certain a lot of that still weighs her down and always will.

 

“Better to not know?” Clarke asked already knowing Lexa’s answer. Yes, her answer was yes, Lexa really did believe that she would rather not know. Because…she had made her peace with it now, with what happened and how she had to leave, but maybe knowing _why_ it all happened would bring her back to square one. Bring her back to how she felt years ago, hopeless, at a loss, not really knowing how to deal with something like that. And Lexa couldn’t risk that, she didn’t want to go back to that, it had taken way too long and too much effort to get herself to where she was now.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded. “The past should stay in the past.” She added. “Can we talk about something else?” She asked. “I’m doing what I don’t wanna be doing,” Lexa sighed, “Thinking about it.”

 

“We need to find a new show to watch.” Clarke said almost instantly, wanting to lighten the mood. “We’ve practically watched every good show on Netflix.”

 

“I’ve watched the bad ones too.” Lexa replied casually. She spent a lot of time in bed alone after the stabbing. Streaming things online or downloading torrents was not were convenient so Netflix was all Lexa had and she has watched almost all the Netflix originals.

 

“Oh!” Clarke suddenly remembered. “There is one we haven’t watched though.” She told Lexa as she picked up the remote and went onto Netflix.

 

“Clarke no.” Lexa almost warned. “We’re not watching that.”

 

“It has an eighty-nine percent on _Rotten Tomatoes_ Lex, it’s gotta be good.” Clarke argued.

 

“And _Supernatural_ has ninety-two percent, what’s your point?” Lexa rolled her eyes.

 

Clarke thought for a moment as she typed in the name, “My point is the ratings are more accurate with Netflix shows.”

 

“I can’t believe you’re making me watch this furry crap.” Lexa pretended to sound more annoyed than she was as Clarke clicked on _Bojack Horseman_.

 

“Shut up and watch.” Clarke rolled her eyes. “I’ve heard good things about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cool cool cool cool cool. okay so like. did i edit this? i don't really know. i just can't remember. but it's. late. and i'm...distracted again but i think i edited it tbh. anyways tho, i'm 100% sure i've completed it. i'm sorry guys, i'm just a mess. but still, let me know what you thought, leave me some comments coz y'know that always helps me work faster.


	13. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We have a little time jump and see how Clexa is doing. Things seem to be going pretty well for them, they're settling down and well, life is going good. There's also a little throwback, or mention, i guess, of Clarke's family and Clarke's mom and what they're like because we've seen Lexa's. And the fic ends on a very nice and cute little note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i took. forever to update. i know. i'm really sorry. i've just been busy and life just gets in the way. but hey, here we are. last chapter. i hope its a good one.

 

> _16 months later_

 

Life had fallen into place years ago for them, really – a few years after they’d moved in together, things had actually fallen into place. But the past year or so though…things had just been getting better. After Lexa got stabbed and her secret came out to Clarke, they were actually expecting things to be rocky for at least a while. And it was, for a few months, but things got better, they worked through it, they talked about it and well…things had fallen into place, their life had gone back to normal and if anything, things had been getting better.

 

Lexa’s gym was doing well, really well in the past couple of months. On top of that, she was doing some work at the community center, that was her way of making up for not being able to be the Commander anymore. She worked with kids a lot, there was a program for at risk high school kids and Lexa really enjoyed working with them. This was helping her with her sleep, because now she was actually home at night. Lexa knew Clarke was more at ease too, her girlfriend wasn’t in danger, so of course she was, now she at least knew where she was.

 

Not much had changed with Clarke, work was going alright, on top of that though, she had started a little Etsy shop. She was always into art and painting and Lexa had been really encouraging when she saw Clarke getting back into it. Honestly, since college, Clarke hadn’t had the chance to do much of anything; there was work, either from class and later from her job, then there was everything that came with being an _adult_. So at the end of a work day, all Clarke wanted to do was watch TV or go to bed. But she was glad she was getting back into it, She had forgotten how painting made her feel. And Lexa encouraged her to keep at it, opened up the Etsy shop hoping maybe that might encourage her a bit more to keep at it. And it worked, Clarke kept at it and to both of their surprise really, Etsy was being more successful than they had thought.

 

The biggest change in their lives though, was Detective Jones. It seemed like the detective and her wife had found their way into Clarke and Lexa’s lives. Because the four of them knew it, they were hanging out, having movie nights, dinner parties, even going out on double dates. Anya and Lexa had become pretty good friends, Anya was actually who pointed her in the direction of the community center as an alternative to Lexa being the Commander. Clarke and Raven, too, had become fast friends; they seemed like an unlikely duo but they got along very well. It might have had something to do with the fact that they were both very… _intense_.

 

“You know,” Lexa started as her and Clarke walked back into the apartment. “If I’d never gone out as the Commander,” She told her, “We would’ve never met Anya and Raven.”

 

“Still not good enough reason, babe.” Clarke said with a shrug. “They’re great and I love spending time with them,” She told her, the two of them kicking off their shows and Lexa helping Clarke put of her jacket before walking towards the couch. “But I still don’t think it was worth you going out as that masked idiot.”

 

“I wasn’t an idiot.” Lexa rolled her eyes, sitting down on the couch as Clarke followed. Only her girlfriend sat on the opposite end, pulling her legs up and placing them on Lexa’s lap. “I’m _not_ an idiot.” She corrected herself. “Me getting stabbed might have been worth meeting them.”

 

“I will actually punch you.” Clarke threatened. “Don’t even joke about that.” She told her seriously. She didn’t like talking about it, more specifically, she didn’t like it when Lexa made light of it. It effected them both, it hit them both pretty hard. Lexa still got nightmares every now and then, didn’t like walking alone at night because it brought back memories – but she didn’t like talking about it, didn’t like for it to show. And it seemed like, her way of coping was to just make jokes about it and take it lightly. Clarke…not so much, even mention of that took her back to how she felt when she got to Lexa after getting the call, how her heart was practically about to jump out of her chest.

 

“Okay, sorry.” Lexa apologized half-heartedly. “But hey, I’m okay now.” She shrugged, leaning back against the couch. “All that’s left is a scar.” She smiled at Clarke, trying to comfort her.

 

“Tell that to yourself waking up in the middle of the night last week.” Clarke rolled her eyes at her, she had woken up from a nightmare but it wasn’t too bad.

 

It was Saturday night, and the two of them were out for dinner with their new friends. They did hang out quite a bit, once or twice a week, it was a little difficult sometimes given Clarke and Anya’s working times. It wasn’t too late now though, Clarke had actually had a shift earlier today so she was a little tired to stay out late. But she didn’t want to sleep yet, and she knew neither did Lexa; they were in the middle of watching the new season of _One Day At A Time_ on Netflix and they were both hoping to finishing watching the remaining 5 episodes tonight.

 

.

 

“Oh babe,” Clarke spoke after about ten minutes into an episode. They were changed into their pajamas now, well Clarke was in just an oversized t-shirt and underwear. They were in the same position as before though; Clarke was lying on the couch with her feet on Lexa’s lap who was sitting on one end of the couch. They had a blanket over them, covering mostly Clarke with only Lexa’s hands under it as she lazily massaged Clarke’s feet. “My mom called.”

 

Lexa’s head tilted in confusion like a puppy almost as she thought about it before looking at Clarke, “Your mom never calls.” Things were a little strained with Clarke and her mom, they were never the closest, and since Clarke moved away after high school, they only grew more distant. And their relationship got a little…bad when Clarke told her mom she didn’t want to continue studying and be a doctor. Because that was the plan, she was supposed to do exactly what her mom did, become a cardiac surgeon, not a paramedic.

 

“I know right?” Clarke responded as Lexa paused the TV. “When was the last time she called though?” She asked her, genuinely wanting to remember.

 

“Over a year I think,” Lexa shrugged. “Could even be two to be honest.” She added as she thought about it a bit more. “Why did she call?”

 

“Invited us over for Christmas.” Clarke answered, almost waiting for Lexa’s reaction.

 

“She has literally never done that.” Lexa said with a shocked look on her face. “She called for Christmas the first couple of years after we left, but…” She only shook her head, “Never actually invited us over.”

 

Lexa was actually another reason behind Clarke’s relationship with Abby being rocky. No one actually knew Lexa was transgender up until she came out after moving out with Clarke. Clarke did, yes, but no one else. And well…Abby didn’t approve. First off, she didn’t actually approve of Clarke being bisexual and the fact that there was a possibility of her ending up with a girl – something she felt at ease with because she thought her daughter had moved away with her _boyfriend_. Secondly, she wasn’t too supportive of the fact that Lexa was trans – Clarke had gotten into massive arguments with Abby over that, more over that than the fact that her mom didn’t approve of her being bisexual.

 

“I said no…” Clarke answered. “I don’t really wanna be around…my family.”

 

“You don’t have to do that for me.” Lexa said quietly, Clarke had never told her how her mom felt about her, but Lexa knew. She knew she was possibly the main reason Clarke wasn’t too fond of her mom. “You haven’t seen anyone in…forever.”

 

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked, yes, she’d never told Lexa that her mom disapproved of her, “What do you mean for you?”

 

Lexa shrugged, “Your mom…doesn’t like me too much.” She answered. “I mean…she liked me before. She doesn’t now.” Lexa added. “Not since I came out.”

 

Clarke didn’t say anything, she didn’t want to disagree because…it was true. But at the same time, she’d never even mentioned it to Lexa. “What she thinks doesn’t matter.” Clarke finally responded. “I couldn’t care less to be honest.”

 

“But I’m the reason you haven’t seen your family since…high school basically.” Lexa added, a little guilt in her voice.

 

“I don’t want to be around people who don’t… _approve_ of us.” Clarke shrugged, stating simply. “I don’t miss them, they’re not worth my time if they don’t care about how happy you make me but just your gender.” She told her. “It’s a pretty easy decision babe, I don’t regret not seeing them for so long. Especially my mom.”

 

“You sure?” Lexa asked a little hesitantly. “I feel like I took you away from your family.” She added quietly, sighing as she finally voiced something she’d thought for a very long time now. “Or from, you know, having a family.”

 

Clarke let out a small breath, thinking for a moment before admitting, “Do I miss them? Yeah, sometimes I do.” She said to Lexa truthfully. “But then I remember what they’re like. Not only about you, but also about me – no one _approves_ of me dating another girl.” Clarke explained. “And it’s just all negativity.” She added. “I don’t want to be around that.”

 

“It wouldn’t be a problem if I wasn’t trans.” Lexa muttered under her breath. That part of her still bothered her sometimes; she knew there was nothing wrong with it, there was nothing with being transgender, but…Lexa couldn’t help it, she still felt like there was something wrong with her because of it.

 

“Yeah it still would be.” Clarke responded immediately. “Unless I ended up with a guy, it would always be a problem.”

 

“Exactly.” Lexa nodded, “If I wasn’t trans.”

 

“You’d still be a girl.” Clarke shrugged in response, waiting a moment as she saw the small smile break out on her face. “So, they’d still have a problem with you.”

 

* * *

 

“Why are you being so weird?” Lexa said with a small laugh as she stopped Clarke from falling over. They were out for the day, it was nice outside and for some reason Lexa didn’t know Clarke had been planning a picnic out at Central Park for about a week. She was acting weird though, and nervous almost. Right now, Clarke had tripped over her own feet, and that’s why Lexa was stopping her. They were settled down now, there was a little blanket on the warm, dry grass, a small basket with some food and drinks – honestly, Lexa didn’t even know they had that basket. “What’s going on with you?” Lexa asked her smiling, Clarke had walked over a couple of feet away to answer a call.

 

“Nothing,” Clarke rolled her eyes, settling back down next to Lexa. “I just tripped.” She told her. “People trip, it’s normal.”

 

“You tripped over your own feet.” Lexa argued.

 

“Shut up.” Clarke shook her head, leaning back on the blanket against her elbows. “I’m just clumsy.” She tried to reason, Lexa rolling her eyes this time as she remained sitting upright next to Clarke. “It’s not new is it?”

 

“It’s really not.” Lexa agreed. “Remember the time in college you broke your nose?” She asked her as Clarke looked away. “I mean…I know people walk into glass doors and walls.” Lexa started, “But babe,” She smiled, waiting for Clarke to look up at her, “You _ran_ into one.” Lexa couldn’t help but laugh at that memory, she can’t even remember why Clarke was running in the first place – probably because she was running late for class. “And you ran into it face first, with so much force,” Lexa managed to speak, doing her best to hold in the small _giggle_ at the thought. “That you broke your nose.”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Clarke responded in a deadpan voice. “That did not happen.”

 

“Of course it didn’t.” Lexa played along. “That nose is definitely as old as the rest of you.” She added lightly, her finger going up to the bridge of Clarke’s nose.

 

“Fuck off,” Clarke shook her head, pushing her hand away with a smile. She did actually need a serious nose job after that because of how badly she had broken it. “You’re such a child.”

 

“You love me.” Lexa shrugged, leaning down to lie on the blanket next to Clarke.

 

“Unfortunately.” Clarke muttered, not missing a beat.

 

“ _Hey!_ ” Lexa exclaimed, feigning offense as she lightly smacked Clarke on the arm.

 

“You’re super strong, you’re not allowed to do that.” Clarke told her, doing her best to sound serious.

 

“You weren’t complaining last night…” Lexa said under her breath, shrugging lightly as she reminded Clarke.

 

Now it was Clarke’s turn to smack her on the arm, only it was a little harder than Lexa’s. “We’re in a public place, shut up.”

 

Lexa leaned closer, her lips close to Clarke’s ear, “No.”

 

“Do you wanna know why I dragged you out here?” Clarke said after a moment, diverting Lexa’s attention back to why they were here.

 

“Ooh,” Lexa looked at her excitedly, moving away so she could look at Clarke. “Yes, I’m actually very curious.”

 

“Okay so,” Clarke started, straightening up slightly as she turned on her side, resting her head on her hand as she leaned on her elbow. “You know the other day after my mom called,” She explained and Lexa nodded, “And you know how you mentioned I haven’t seen my ‘ _family_ ’ in a while?” Clarke asked, air quoting around the word _family_. Lexa nodded again, unsure of where this conversation was headed. “Okay so…” Clarke let out a small breath she didn’t know she was holding. “I’ve been thinking about that actually.” This time she moved to sit up next to Lexa.

 

“Oh?” Lexa asked hesitantly. She didn’t know where this was going, and maybe that was worrying her a little bit.

 

“How long have we been together now?” Clarke asked instead of answering Lexa. “Since we were what…16 right?”

 

Lexa nodded, “Yeah it’s been about ten years.”

 

“That is…insane.” Clarke smiled, shaking her head a little. “Back to family though,” She told her. “I mean, of course I want one, and now, my family’s just you.” She added. “And for you, it’s just me.”

 

“You’re worrying me.” Lexa finally voiced her concern, Clarke was right though.

 

“No, no.” Clarke said quickly, “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere bad with this.” She smiled at Lexa, reaching out and taking her hand this time. “Look, I want a family, I want one with you.” She finally told her. “I want the things we both wanted out of our families,” Lexa only watched her expectedly, waiting for her to continue. “Like, holidays – we don’t do much for Christmas really. Halloween is a bit more fun but we’re not much in the party scene anymore. And just…in general you know?”

 

“Yeah, I know.” She could read Clarke’s mind at this point, even when Clarke was being vague, Lexa knew what she meant.

 

“I want us to be a family,” Clarke said after a moment. “I want us to start a family.” She continued. “I know you like kids, and maybe us being parents would be a pretty good idea.” Clarke smiled, encouraged at the small smile on Lexa’s face. “We haven’t seriously talked about it, I know, but we’ve brought it up and maybe…we can have a bit more serious talk about it.” Lexa nodded, smiling at Clarke this time, but she knew Clarke had something more to say. “And I mean, given how long we’ve been together.” Clarke added casually, pulling away slightly as she leaned towards the closed picnic basket and looked inside it.

 

“It only makes sense…” She trailed off, finally finding what she was looking for before looking at Lexa again. “That I ask you to…” Clarke let out a deep breath, her closed hand coming up between the two of them before slowly opening it. “Marry me.” She wasn’t looking at Lexa now, more at the ring in her hand, she knew Lexa was looking at it too. “I love you.” She said simply. “And we’ve already spent a good part of our lives together.” Clarke added, a small laugh escaping as the words left her – no she didn’t prepare anything to say. “I want to spend the rest of it with you, have a family with you…have _everything_ with you.” A shaky breath left her, her yes slightly teary. “So Lexa,” Clarke looked up at her this time, swallowing the lump in her throat as she tried to gather herself. “Will you marry me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes. lexa said yes. of course she said yes. they're basically married anyways. okay look. i didn't edit this. i know i should've and there are probs loads of mistakes in here but i'm 98% sure i've written in everything i wanted to. i just kept telling myself that i'll edit it and then post it. but hey, i haven't. and if i wanna update it, it'll probs take me a couple more weeks. so here ya have. let me know what you thought. of this chapter. of the fic. all of it. and thanks for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, let me know what you thought. and if you have any questions, hit me up on tumblr clexa-superheroau.tumblr.com or my main blog bottom-lexa.tumblr.com


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